letterhead.loyalty

Come see...

2011-01-17T05:27:00.000-08:00

moving...

2011-01-17T03:16:00.000-08:00

I'm planning on actually making an effort to update more. I'm also planning a move. Maybe still 9n Blogger but we'll see. I'm looking for something more anonymous.

12:37am Monday Morning

2010-10-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

Moving is complete but unpacking has just begun. Power is turned on but the lack of internet is problematic. Hence this 12:37am update via the work internet. Don't worry I won't get in trouble as long as the cleaning is done and no ones dies *fingers crossed it's still early in the night* I'm free to to as I please... within reason.

A resident comes up. He tells me he feels foggy and ghost like. In a matter of fact way I inform him that halloween is over. He nods and goes back to bed. Everyday is almost halloween like around here. It's like loneliness he says before going back to bed. One of our ladies is up and in the bathroom. I have to keep the door open because she obsessively flushes the toilet till it breaks. She's telling me about how her breasts are named Sonny and Cher. I try not to laugh. No matter how many times she tells me this it's still funny.

This is how I spend my nights. Soon I'll turn to studying anatomy or perhaps I'll say screw it till tomorrow and watch Caprica on Hulu. Either way it's 12:44am now.

What's this?

2010-10-17T01:13:00.000-07:00

oh hi.... yeah sorry. I fail at life. Well actually I've kind of been rocking it. I've been busy with work and school and my trip. So yeah lots of stuff happened/is happening.

I just felt like writing something due tot he complicated feelings that the show Caprica always brings up in me. It's a show sent in the future/past/alternate world.A world where people who believe in one God are the minority. A world where people who are discriminated against for their belief blow things up and hurt people. A faith similar to mine a faith I would be a part of. It just blows my mind a little... ok a lot.

Could I set bombs for God? It's so confusing and hard to think about.

FUCK YOU ALLERGIES!

2010-05-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

Apparently the only way for me to not be ill is to move west of the Rockies where they don't have the kind of pollen that fucks with my system. It's bad enough that I have a respetory infection 3-6 months a year because of pollen but now to have to deal with this OAS shit is just not ok with me.

OAS= Oral allergy syndrome. Basically the pollen fucks with my mouth and stomach making me hyper sensitive to some foods. So the fresh mango I got at the store today thinking hey I like mango that's been frozen I'll just get a fresh one and do it myself since it's less expensive... no. This resulted in my mouth tingling and going raw on the inside followed by getting sick. NOT COOL. Sometimes I have the tingle/raw thing wth other foods so I called the Doctor to see if it was related and they gave me a big old list of things I might not be able to eat this time of year.

almonds, apples,apricots, avocados, bananas, berries, carrots, celery, cherries, citrus, cucumbers, grapes, hazel nuts, mangos, mellons, peaches, pears, peppers, and 'some spices'.

Mind you I've been taking a lot of meat that is processed in ways I don't trust out of my diet (ie:pre-made frozen burger patties, chicken nuggets... ect).

I'm not exactly sure what I can and can not even eat anymore.

FUCK YOU ALLERGIES!

Goodnight Mother Mellon and Papa Civic

2010-05-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

In case anyone missed it I went to the game last night. It was a day on the lawn with my friends sitting int he rain and the cold cheering for my boys. The upper respiratory infection I’ve been dealing with for the last month didn’t stop me one bit.

The day started out at 4:45am for me getting up to go in to work for a few hours. Thankfully no disasters kept me at work longer than necessary. Then it was a stop at chipotle picking up food for myself and my friends who went up early to greet the guys after morning skate. Alas when I got there and was going to park the boys had already come out.

So it was down to the lawn to set up camp where we spent the afternoon laying on our blanket having to much nervous energy to nap or do anything other than talk about hockey and our team. It was nice to actually hang with my friends though one of whom has been my best friend since pre-school.

By 4:00p we were back up on the wall that over looks the players parking lot to greet and cheer for the guys as they came in. We cheer for everyone including the WBS black aces. Some Habs fans turn up to heckle the guys but they all take it good naturedly. HILARIOUS the guy doing the major heckling got snippy with everyone but Tanger whom he took a picture of walking in. It seems the Sexhair works on everyone. It was especially shiny and clean looking. :)

5:00pm all the guys have arrived and we’re back on the lawn. The clouds overhead are a bit omnious and the fog is rolling into the lower parts of the city but we’re still cool. 5:30pm not so much the rain starts so it time for ponchos and tarps. My friend seemed to thin that putting a tarp under the blanket and then one over the blanket would keep it dry. Obviously this didn’t work and everything got soaked. My lawn chair was soaked giving me a wet ass for the rest of the night but I’ve come to accept this is the natural state of things when it comes to playoffs on the lawn. You’re either getting a wet ass or a sunburn.

Around 6:30p the festivities start going and I get pissy about the number of Habs fans in attendance. Damn them for stealing my tickets. I tried and tried to get tickets but they bought chunks of seats. Anyways, the Pens people were throwing beand and hats into the crowd. By magic I managed to catch a hat. Really the thing nearly hit me in the face but I got it in my hand which to me constitutes a catch. So my new hat managed to keept the rain off my glasses for the first period as it continued to mist.

I don’t want to talk about the first period so I’m not going to. Save to say I called the officials a number of insults that would make Shakespeare and Shaft and the South Park guys proud.

First intermission we read last years Puck Huffers inspirational story that is full of LOLs aloud.

http://www.puckhuffers.com/2009/05/playoffs-have-ended-war-has-begun.html

Then there was feasting on doritos, funions and lorna doones. We’re classy girls with those snacks right?

The second brought with it lots of hope and things were looking up… then people started to exit the lawn and the arena. I got pissy and needed to be brought back to reality with the saving grace of a diet coke.

Then it was the second intermission with this years inspirational story from the PH ladies…

http://www.puckhuffers.com/2010/05/aftermath-mind-of-max-talbot.html

so with that bit of glorious inspiration we went into the third hopeful and with smiles.

I don’t want to talk about the stupid people leaving the arena and the lawn with 10 mins left in the day They are not worthy of air and I hope Mother Mellon cursed them on their way out. I’m pretty sure they aren’t worthy of air.

So it was back up to the wall to cheer for the guys as they came out. They all appreciated and most signed for people, even the obnoxious ones. Everyone but Max had shaved their beards with Brooks sporting a goatee.

I left the wall at 11:30pm giving Mother Mellon formerly known as Papa Civic for most of my life a hug. My hockey memories of the building are by far my best but I can’t deny that my first was Barbie Icecapades.

Here I am today with no voice feeling like the crypt keeper is knocking on my door but it was all worth it. The beauty of it is we may be done for now but in Aug/Sept. when training camp starts back up we’ll be back only the action will be taking place just across the street.

So what does this mean? Well it means I'll have to find other things to do with my life than watch hockey... oh that's right I could prep for going to AFRICA in less than 4 months!

Oh HI! Tanger est mon petit chou

2010-03-25T07:50:00.001-07:00

Oh... I guess you're still here. Sorry about that. I kind of forgot about you. I promise not to let it happen again. Actually that's a lie I have no way of controlling how forgetful / boring I am. If things are going good I generally don't have much to update about so yeah that's for listening to me bitch a moan about crap.

This isn't a bitch and moan session though things are actually pretty good right now. I've taken a step back from some stuff that was way to intense (ie: work stuff). I still have the same job but I've backed off my intensity to which it effects me. This may sound horrible but I'm just not putting as much into it. I still do a kick ass job but I'm not screwing up my own head about it anymore. I like what I do but it's not worth all the pain it was giving me. I guess this would be the more professional way of dealing with it all along. If my life were a show it would be a workplace/medical drama and I'd be the one who just cared to much.

I think things are so good right now thanks to my obsession with the Penguins kicking into gear as we ramp up for playoffs. Now don't think I'm a fair weather fan I've been watching games and keeping track of them since Oct. but with this being the last season at the Mellon and needing a distraction from work they've helped me out a lot. The biggest problem with this is that I'm obviously a little nuts so I can't wear half my clothes because they've lost while I was wearing them. Oh yes I'm this crazy... it's a good crazy right? I'm working on it I promise. I keep telling myself that when an article of clothing gets washed it washes the loss off. Yeah I'm crazy.

Last weekend was a big Pens weekend. My BFF and I went to the free open practice to watch and then got some sweet autographs! My favorite Pens shirt (which I really like to wear the most) I can't now because it's become my signature shirt. Le Sigh. We got hair cuts which was a trauma on its own. I now have way shorter hair. It's not a bad thing just different. This was followed by dinner and a movie with other friends before heading to a hotel we all shared. We made signs which was a lot of fun. I have mine in my room now and can STILL smell the sharpie marker we used to color it in. We got pretty damn high on marker that night. Seriously things were funny when they were just dumb.

The next day was the game which was good even though we lost with .9 seconds left in the Overtime. That's right we lost with not even a whole second on the clock. The guys were all really nice signing for fans when they came out though. It was a beautiful day. I even got to have a little convo about my sign with the player I made it for (Kris Letang. Google him. He is one talented sexy dude.). Then it was off to dinner with other friends which was brilliant fun with some apple to apples playing. I totally won the first game. :)

Today gets an update mostly because I actually have time and energy to do so. Just a regular day with meetings and baby sitting. Tomorrow is back for open practice and then some glorious cheesecake factory dinner. What's up with everyone? I want some comments so let me know what's up with you!

The illness is lurking

2010-02-25T21:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel I'm going a little crazy.

Not like my residents. I'm not hearing or seeing things that are telling me what to do. I do talk when I know there's no one there. I talk in the car everywhere I go. Sometimes I pretend there's someone in the seat next to me sometimes I don't. Sometimes I lie and talk about what I wish my life was. Other times I'm so honest I'm in tears. I can't decide if this is a good coping mechanism or a step on my slow descent into madness.

There are statistics out there on everything but one that I feel may actually be accurate is that 1 in 17 people (6%) will at some point have a serious diagnosable mental illness. While 26% will meet diagnostic criteria for any form of mental illness. The odds are at some point in my life I'll be one of those people.

I don't know if it's scary or a relief but I feel like it's looming, like the clouds are closing in around me and that I'll never ever be happy. I know I have every reason to be happy. I have friends, a family, a place to live food, a job that even though I hate pays well. I have plans for the future and I have ambitions. I have every reason not to feel like this but I do. The worst part is I've felt it before. I feel like things are out of control and swirling around me like I'm at the event horizon of a black hole about to go over the edge where I'll spend the rest of eternity falling into nothingness.

I want to get help and I know how. I spend my who day telling people to ask for help when they need it to just stand up and tell 'it' that you don't want it there and that you can take control of your own life. We all need to take our own advice more often than we like. Tomorrow I'm going to call and make an appointment for myself. I get some counseling sessions with my insurance so I might as well take advantage of them while I still have it.

It's lurking around the corner. Sometimes I want it to get me to suck me in but for now I'm going to fight it. I'm going to ask for help.

Work & Life and things I more than likely shouldn't be talking about.

2010-02-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

You know things are bad at work when you come home have dinner and have a nap in total silence. I just couldn't inject anymore stimuli into my life than the thoughts going on though my head. You call someone to talk about it and you find yourself immediately just falling to pieces and then you're unable to pick to pieces up. That's how it feels like now. I called my Mom to talk but just ended up sobbing into the phone making little sense. I'm still crying it's so bad. I don't know how to explain how this all works. How I know it's not healthy for a job to make you feel this bad.

I try not to talk about work to much since it's kind of sensitive. There are big professional boundaries when working in the health and mental health field. I could be here telling stories about for real crazy things that happen to me but I don't because I don't want to take advantage of my residents like that. It's my job to keep my work place and their home safe and comfortable. I feel like it's neither of those things now. We're mandated an unsafe amount of overtime work, we have dangerous residents who need more security and more staffing around, and most of them aren't getting what they need to help them be able to re-enter the community when their commitment is up. All in all the facility that I'm employed at is failing the people it serves and it's killing me. I don't feel safe there, neither do our residents and my manager does not intend to do anything about it.

I'm at the end of my rope. I've started looking for a new job but I don't feel like I can leave this so easy. I feel like I can't leave my residents there like that in that place that's so bad. Some of them just deserve so much better. I wish I could get them all out and in better places.

I feel so powerless.

This is just my brain kind of spilling ick everywhere. Sorry you made it this far without knowing there really wasn't a point to this.

You might not know...

2010-02-07T09:51:00.000-08:00

In general most people don't know I'm a hockey fan. Hockey is my winter soccer and the only professional sport I follow. To me Hockey is this game that throws me back into a more primitive state where I love to see someone get slammed into the glass and the joy of winning just takes over. It's this amazing way to let out so much pent up anger and aggression as I cheer for my team.

Thankfully I live near Pittsburgh, PA allowing me to follow the greatness that is Penguins Hockey. I've seen the Pens go up and down in my life and will admit it wasn't till I was in High School that I started to see the beauty of Hockey thanks to minor league games. In general tickets to see the Pens are far to expensive for me. Now that I'm an adult with a job I can say I'll be attending my second Pens game taking my Dad with me for his first Pens game.

So there's this little bit most people don't know about me.

Quarter Life

2010-01-04T18:13:00.001-08:00

So... I turned 25. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but everywhere I go there's someone reminding me that it's a big deal. I got up the morning of my birthday and told my Mom I wasn't really happy about it. She said 'oh 25 was a great year for me. It was the year I married your Dad. But we got engaged when I was still 24'. Yet another reminder of how I'm not married. Then there were constant questions asking me if I was planning on buying a new car or buying a house and WTF no. I have a good job but it's not that good. Then there was my extended family who asked polite questions all centered around 'is there something bothering you?'.

How do you tell people that although you have a good life a job you love and are financially independent you're life is nothing like you imagined it be when you got to this point?

I know life is hardly ever what we expect and that lumps, bumps and set backs are what makes us who we are but really this is a bit much. I'm sure the winter blahs will pass and I'll feel better about things. Especially if I get awesome news by Jan. 11th.

Vacation all I ever wanted...

2009-12-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

So... I think I might maybe take two vacations this year. This is all assuming I'm selected to go to Africa which is still pending though I did send my application in. What I'm really excited about at the moment is VidCon which is an internet video conference happening this summer in LA that I would only need to take two personal days to attend and my travel would cost under $500 which is sooo manageable plus there's the fact that registration is uber cheap and the hotel rate is beyond awesome at $149 a night in LA.

I'm really hoping that I can make this happen. I know for sure if Africa doesn't happen I'll be going. I just need to hold out to register till I know what's going on. Final selection for the trip isn't till Jan. 11th so I have to pray the con doesn't fill up right away.

Also I know I failed at BEDN so lets never speak of it again.

Weekends & Magic

2009-11-14T21:40:00.000-08:00

I don't really have a normal weekend. I work the evening shift so I never get to see anyone ever. It's a pain int he ass. I don't really like to complain about it but it sucks so bad. No one is getting any holiday off and there isn't going to be any new staff till the new year. So basically no one can ever have an additional day off ever again.

Ugh. No complaining. I hate complaining.

If you haven't seen BBC's Merlin it's completely awesome and you should fun family actiony dramay good stuff for everyone. Really it's amazing and I love it and you should too. :)

Back to Friday

2009-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Soooo... I didn't post after work last night after work. I don't get home till midnight and I really didn't stay up to much later than that.

Nothing of note really happened yesterday. For real boring day nothing evened happened at work of interest. We had a nice honey mustard chicken and potatoes for work. And orange jello but I don't like orange jello.

like I said int he video I made... boring.

Could Do

2009-11-12T20:17:00.000-08:00

Things I could do tomorrow before going to work...

-Clean out my car.
-Get my hair cut
-Clean my bathroom.
-Go to the bank.
-Do laundry.
-Finish my sewing project.
-Work on my mission application.

And about a million other things.

What I will be doing tomorrow. SLEEPING.

Grow Your Own

2009-11-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

I just had to listen to my Mom give a speech about being anti-legalization of marijuana about 11 times in a row either making her practice it, recording it or editing it. All I want to do is punch myself in the face.

My person stance on the issue: I have far better more important things to worry about than what you grow and smoke.

I don't care. if you want to smoke it fine. I think it should be regulated like tobacco and alcohol thanks to people who do dumb shit like get stoned out of their minds and drive. As for people who use it medically... if it's helping you I'm for it. For those who get it 'medically' and abuse it / have no real reason for it, you're messing up the current system for others. You should be stoned (and not in the good way you want to be.).

In other news I'm am tired and grumpy hence why this is really to the point.

Lifeline

2009-11-10T20:29:00.000-08:00

I learned the hard way today that I rely on my cellphone more than I feel I should. 3/4th of the way to work I realized I didn't have the stupid thing and had no time to go back to get it. I was stuck all day with lots of stress over this. I asked my Dad to look for it and he couldn't find it. I was beyond freaked out that I had seriously done something with it and it was lost for forever. I was tot he point where I was planning on dipping into my Africa money so I could go get a new phone. Ridiculous I know. This is on top of general work stress of crazy residents being crazy. And having to cook meals and grocery shop for the rest of the week as well as do my actual duties. It was beyond stressful. I seriously feel about 10 years older now because of it.

Turns out my phone was exactly where I thought it was and told my Dad to look he just couldn't find it at that one moment he looked. I still feel like quite the idiot for getting so stressed about something that shouldn't matter so much.

Friendship Quotes

2009-11-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

Effy: Pandora, why are we friends? Do you ever wonder?
Pandora: Well that's super easy. You're my friend coz you're the coolest ever. And I'm yours coz I'd totally do anything you say, and none of your boyfriends ever wanna surf me coz I'm useless.
Effy: And that's it?
Pandora: Yeah.

If you haven't seen Skins before then you should simply because of the many different commentaries on friendships and how friendships change as people grow away from others and closer together. Seriously if you haven't seen it do.

I'm fortunate to have had the same best friend since pre-school. It's strange to have someone who's known you since the time you started to really form memories. It's strange to have that change over the years. My best friend recently got married and this is the first I've talked about it. Truth was I didn't know how to bring it up for a long time. It was a big shift to have to give my best friend up like that. Sure she had been dating this guy for 8 years but getting married officially made her someone elses best friend. It was just a strange moment to have everything change so quickly.

I've had other friendship changes too. Some people are in your life for an amazing time teaching you something amazing about yourself in the world and then they naturally drift away. I have some friends who taught me so much about myself and life that I will forever be in their debt. We're hardly more than facebook friends now saying happy birthday when the notifs come up or commenting on pictures they recently uploaded.

What never fails us are the memories. Friendships fleeting or forever we have the memories.

Busy busy

2009-11-08T21:18:00.000-08:00

I love/hate busy days. I always like having stuff to do but when it's my day off I always just want to chill and do nothing. My job can be a mental and emotional train wreck so it's nice to have a break from that. This never, ever happens on a Sunday. Today's schedule:

7:30a Wake-up
9:15a Church
10:30a Second church where I work watching the kids.
12:30p Family lunch for grandparents birthday. (all kinds weird family stuff went down as always)
2:15p Pause to change clothes.
2:30p RiteAid run for new blush and tape.
3:00p Meeting (what I needed the tape for)
4:50p Arrived home. took a short nap.
6:00p Evening modern Worship service.
7:30p Dinner

It doesn't sound like a lot and there was a nap but I for real like to do NOTHING on days off. I'm a lazy bum I can't help it!

Multi-Tasking

2009-11-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

Why do we all feel the need to do a million things at once? I know I do it all the time but really it isn't efficient at all. For example right now I'm having an IM, conversation a real life conversation, editing a photo and watching something on youtube. Is this really how normal peopel do things or just us? By us I mean my family earlier my Mum and I were cooking dinner, chopping apples, baking a cake and bitching about the day.

I really wonder if normal people do this or if it's just a my family thing.

Cute things

2009-11-06T20:58:00.000-08:00

Yeah I'm writing this at 11:58pm so I'm still technically on track with BEDN. I can't help that I worked 3-11p today!

I have a list of cute things that cheer me up and I want to share some of them with you!

That's Bradley James and he's adorable. He's Arthur in the BBC's Merlin series. Adorable. Makes me happy to look at him. I hope he makes you happy too.

That's a highland cow covered in snow with it's tongue out. Not only does this cow regularly have emo hair it has it's tongue out and there's snow! I don't think it get cuter than this.

This is the glorious pooduck! It's been a driving force of adorable in my life. Part poodle part duck this little guy was pointed out to me via http://www.disturbingauctions.com/view.php?item=21 I really, really want a pooduck for christmas!

So those are a few things I find adorable that cheer me up. <3

Kabuki brush

2009-11-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

I'm in love with my kabuki brush. In case you didn't know the kabuki brush is a makeup brush that is really great for putting on powder for all over face coverage. Who knew I knew this much about makeup brushes?

Oh that's right my new obsession is makeup! I stopped buying snacks and food because hello that's why I'm fat. Feel sad buy chocolate but now I've gone into feel sad buy makeup! It's more expensive but it's less calories. On the bright side I can officially put on cream eyeliner now and have no problem using an eyelash curler. I no longer fear blue eyeshadow (in moderation)! The only problem is I still haven't mastered lipstick. I chew my lips and it just doesn't work for me. I can barely make lip gloss happen. It's mostly just chapstick in my life. Sadly I have pale lips so this sucks like woah. I kinda want nothing more than to pull off the classic RED lipstick look. Alas I think I'll be working on this for some time.

Back tot he kabuki brush.... I'm addicted to the feel of it on my skin! I love putting powder on my face with it. I love it so much I've washed my face before bed come out and put the powder on and then gone to bed only to wake up with clogged pores forgetting to wash again! I just like to touch it.

Yes, I am a weirdo.

Nov/BEDN & Sad songs.

2009-11-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

So back in April I did BEDA. Since it's NaNoWriMo and I have no intention of ever writing a novel I thought I'd bring back the BEDA philosophy and blog everyday of Nov. from here on out. Ambitious considering I can't really say to much about work anymore and the rest of my life is sad and boring.

So for today I guess I'll talk about some music. There are some songs out there that just make me cry. Sometimes I can't put my finger on it other times it's obviously words or melody and other times it's the connection to something else.

Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven If you've seen Mr. Holland's Opus you may remember the scene where he plays it for his class talking about how Beethoven was deaf after just finding out his son was deaf. Seriously breaks my heart.

Goodnight - Liz Calloway This one is words + performance that makes me sob. Here is a tid bit of the lyrics...

A world without the pain
That's stuck with you for far too long
A world that does contain
A love like mine to watch you grow strong

And when my time arrives
Please wait and make a place for me
For when I do arrive
Your face should be the first face I see

Dry away the tears
Lay aside your fears
No more pain for my love
You have now gone to sleep

Roses Theme- Murry Gold Yes, from the Doctor Who soundtrack because I'm lame. I just think of her standing on that beach crushed when this song plays. Ugh... seriously if you ever see the scene it will stay with you when you hear the theme.

I Can Only Imagine - Mercy Me Once again lame but I can't help it! Sometimes I just get in that place where I know I need the perspective of a song like this and it helps humble me and question what I would do in heaven in the presence of God.

Those You've Known - Spring Awakening Cast I won't spoil the show but this is the final song before bows.

Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars

I'm sure there are others out there but that's my short list. I actually like to have a good dry sometimes so if you have any awesome songs that make you cry I want to know!

Choices

2009-10-19T18:55:00.000-07:00

Go to Malawi or Go back to Scotland.

Back to Scotland Pro's.
-I love it there.
-I know some basics about how to travel there.
-I can understand the accents.
-I have friends there.
-It's Beautiful
-I plan on visiting new parts of the country.
-I like shopping there.
-It's relaxing to me.

Malawi Pro's
-I've never been to Africa
-It's a mission trip
-How many people from Ohio really visit Malawi
-I'd only have to pay for 2/3rds of it.
-GIRAFFE'S
-I'd have a true social prospective on a new part of the world.

I think it's only a choice because I'm afraid to go to Malawi. Scotland is comfortable now so I'm content to keep going back because I know it. I don't know Malawi at all other than Madonna adopted a baby from there and had all kinds of issues with it. It's just scary to change things.

People hate.

2009-09-12T04:17:00.000-07:00

I know I will eventually get around to posting about vacation but I'm lazy and have to EDIT my pics. For now if you know me feel free to see them on facebook.

Currently I'm pretty pissed off at a few people. Mostly people who said they were coming to my best friends BFF dinner that I made gift bags for and reservations for but seriously 1 hour after I made the reservation suddenly no one was coming but the bride and I. The one person seriously said "I don't know how to get there." yeah she didn't know how to get to the restaurant that shares a paking lot with the most popular mall in 100 miles. I hate it when people lie and don't even put in any effort.

Now I'm uber pissed off an have to pack up the bags I spent money on for no one to come and have. It looks like everyone gets more tha one of everything. Lucky them.

Lists!

2009-08-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

1. I sprained my wrist at work. I fell on an OILED floor because the maintenance guy is a moron. I was wearing sneakers... sneakers on a wood floor. Seriously shouldn't have slipped if it weren't for the oil.

2. There's a lovely ugly purple spot huge bruise on my wrist.

3. It's really hard to type with a wrist brace on.

4. I'm rewatching Skins series 1 and I adore it forever and always.

5. I leave for Scotland in 13 days!

Haircuts

2009-07-24T16:42:00.000-07:00

I love going to get my hair done. Seriously it feels freaking amazing when I walk out with a great hair cut. Seriously it's a feeling you can't beat. Lately as in for the past 8 months I haven't gotten a great hair cut. I had a gift certificate to a high end salon but they turned my hair an awful shade of purple/red. Then I had disastrous layers from a place I had been going to since I was a kid. Then the same place when asked for 'red highlights' gave me blond streaks. Not just blond but bleach blond. It was just bad. I waited two months and couldn't stand to look at the nasty blond anymore. I went to a new place, got an awesome cut and the best red color ever. Seriously the stylist (who's name is Kim) did an awesome job. She was willing to advise me on what would look good and what wouldn't and was just all around nice. Seriously why is it so hard to find a good stylist? ... Maybe because I live in the middle of nowhere in a place where a mullet is still acceptable.

random: Loving Hell's Kitchen! which I'm watching while I typed this.

thing n stuff n yeah...

2009-07-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

1. I have booked my vacation to Scotland! I will be in Glasgow for 2 days and Edinburgh for 3 days. My goal is to see 4-6 shows at the Fringe and hit the Doctor Who exhibit in Glasgow. I'm strongly considering a haunted tour of the vaults in Edinburgh but I'm afraid I'll get to freaked out because I have no one to cling to! I'm going alone as in all by myself on this trip so getting the bejesus freaked out of me and then having to walk back to my hostel sounds like a bad idea. But then again it could be completely awesomely fun.

2. I feel really gross when I don't eat veggies. I've really only noticed since I've been working on improving my diet and I found that veggies make me feel better. Who knew?!? I've been at my parents house for the weekend and there really hasn't been a veggie in sight unless you count the pasta sauce we had last night. It's a big realization when I see exactly how I got to be the way I am based upon what a better diet looks like. Not total blame for my parents but you know they didn't help me much.

3. I feel really bad for Robert Pattinson. Really, really bad actually. I know he's all famous and rich and doesn't need people to feel bad for him. I know everyone says the 'celebrity' part of it comes with the profession but it's been a bit ridiculous lately and the poor guy needs so space. If I were him I'd have done something completely batshit crazy by now. Like cut a bitch.

4. there really isn't much for a 4. Maybe you should go watch Dorm Life because it's awesomely amazing and probly something you'll love.

Iran you're bringing me down.

2009-06-19T03:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayatollah Khamenei,

It's when you do things like this that I wonder if you care about your people. You're the 'supreme leader' of a guardian council, commander of the military and former president I really would like to believe you're looking out for your people but when you do things like this it's just obvious you aren't. You've said in public you agree with crazy pants Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on most things (at least you currently don't want Iran to go Nuclear but that could change tomorrow. Let your people protest. When this many people feel their voice hasn't been heard having the right to gather to make sure you're heard is necessary. If you're so big into Islam (as you claim to me Mr. Supreme Leader Cleric) give your people a fair election one with all the right monitors in place and one where every vote gets counted. If you need some help ask Al Gore, he knows all about how every vote counts... or at least how every vote should count.

It would also be a good idea if you let the forign press cover these rallies. Maybe you wouldn't feel pressure from countries like Great Britain if we could see the rallies. We follow the trending iran election topics on twitter but there's no one telling us your peoples side.

LET YOUR PEOPLE HAVE A VOICE.

Sincearely,

A concerned American Girl with a soap box.

Procrastination & Vacation

2009-06-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

Procrastination I love you. I slept in till noon for the first time in oh... a month maybe? It's been awhile with work and life and family I usually never get to sleep in. It felt amazing and I need to have that happen more often.

When I woke up I told myself I'd be heading out at 1pm to do all my errands. Obviously this didn't happen. It's now 1:40p and I haven't made any attempt to get done any of the pre-errand things I need to do so I pushed the time back to 3pm. That's plenty of time to hit the bank, the post office and the craft store before they all close right? I think so I doubt it'll take more than 10 mins at the back even if I have to do weird money transfer things. Or more than 20 at the post office to pack a flat rate box. Then I can mill about the craft store till I find what I'm looking for.

So the random money transfer thing is for my vacation in Aug. Yes, I'm actually going! I've been doing my best to talk myself out of it for the last few weeks but the flights are far to cheap for me to keep putting it off. For under $600 I can fly to Scotlant for the Fringe Festival again this year. That's right I'm going alone to an uber huge performance art festival. I'm going to love it so don't say I'm crazy for doing this by myself. I'll be going from the 19th - 24th so yay for mid week travel and low rates. I'm booking my flight pretty much as soon as I post this so maybe I should stop procrastinating right?

Right!

My Junk Is You

2009-05-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

I got to go see Spring Awakening tonight! So if you have no idea what this is google it and you'll find an awesome new(ish) musical. Anyways, the show is and was amazing. You should go see it. The issues it covers are huge and so true for many young people. It covers the issues of doing poorly in school, being confused and uneducated about sex, masturbation, abuse, parents, teachers, life, death.... yeah lots of stuff.

So anyways it was amazing and I loved it and I got cast autographs because the cast was really awesome.

Sad thing of the night: the Penguins lost. :(

Soo...

2009-05-20T17:44:00.000-07:00

So it's a bit like I had an awkward breakup with my blog. Things were all intense and we decided to take some time apart and now we're revisiting the idea of being together again. How sad is it that I just likened my blog to a relationship?

Anyways I just spent two days at a conference for work and it was lovely to meet people and get to know more about the company I'm about to hit 6 months with. I got go to with the awesome people from work not the really shit ones who are more than likely going to get fired soon because they made a HUGE error that could have killed someone. But I can't say more because I don't want to get in trouble.

So yeah things still kind of suck but they're getting better on the work front. I really don't have much else to report. I made a video finally and it should be down in the video bar so check that out if you want.

Change in the air

2009-05-03T17:47:00.000-07:00

I don't like keeping secrets. Especially when they tend to be the kind that hurt my heart and I really just want to tell someone. Change is good but it's also hard and I don't know if I can do this again. I may have to keep this secret for awhile but at least it was told honestly and it may hurt but I know it's been done for all the right reasons.

BEDA:Thirty

2009-04-30T14:57:00.000-07:00

hmmm... April was a shockingly hard month. Between my crazy work issues with the whole discrimination and wacky shifts I feel like I haven't done anything but sleep, work and blog. My bank account is thankful since it's bigger than... well ever at the moment ok so maybe not ever if you count HS Graduation money. April has just been complicated and dictated by work which is good because I like paying my bills but I'm not so much a fan of not doing anything other than work. All this is going to change in May though! We has our staff meeting of DOOM today and my schedule if freaking awesome. So awesome I fear for my life a bit but hey I kinda deserve it after the month I've had. So hello 9-5 Tues - Sat. Lovely!

In other May type things, everyday blogs are going away because I'm pretty sure they're boring but hey they'll still be around weekly like!

In other news I'm going to nap now because I have to work tonight.

random: my crazy neighbor (the "Preacher" no drag queen) is on the phone pacing outside my window. Weird. Now the old guy with the walker he ties her dog to to walk is grunting at his chair on his porch. Special as always.

BEDA: Twenty Nine

2009-04-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

Sweet baby niblets I'm blogging about a day on the day well not really. I'm talking about last night. I got to babysit last night and as usual it was a blast! I babysit for 9 year old boy with fragile x he's beyond awesome and I love playing games and having fun.

Now comes the time where i gush about my love of Nick shows. I love Drake & Josh and iCarly. I don't care what people think I love. They make me laugh like the 8 year old I am on the inside. I'm not even kidding when I tell you Carly's older brother Spencer would be in my top 10 dream fictional husbands. I wish I was kidding. As for Drake and Josh I have no excuse other than they amuse me. I really do enjoy the shows.

I think my favorite part of yesterday was rocking out dancing around the living room with Jeremy to the iCarly theme. It sounds stupid but it's the little things in life that are so much fun.

BEDA:Twenty Seven

2009-04-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

I hate people on tv and in movies who give me unreal expectations of how my hair should look. I was watching Gossip Girl (no mocking please I like all the pretty boys and clothes!) and my hair is longer than the majority of the characters now and it still looks like I'm constantly in a real wind tunnel not a sexy breeze tunnel that makes your hair look perfect tunnel. I've been putting up with purse straps on my hair, random people touching it, getting all kinds of still from cake batter to pickle juice in the ends when they just fall into stuff (not at work I pull it back when I cook at work!) and it's still not great hair. I can't even make it all stay in a side ponytail and people with a bob can make that style work for them!

I think I can take my unreal hair expectations back to Disney. I mean come on how could the Ariel have perfect hair UNDER WATER!?!?! Don't even get me started on everyone having perfect eyelashes in cartoons either. I'm pretty sure they didn't have lengthening and curling mascara in ancient Greece, a fairytale forest or African jungle (yeah that's right NALA I'm calling you out you mascara wearing Lion.)

I say all this now because the weather is starting to get warm. My hair will now become even more of a pain in the ass as it hangs over my neck and face becoming a giant head warmer that attracts the heat of the sun to its dark color. I know I'll be wishing I could cut it off everyday form now till Oct. The problem is if I cut it now I know I would cry about it later.

Ugh. Hair Trauma.

BEDA:Twenty Six

2009-04-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a day behind but it's because 3-11p only leaves me an hour to post on the same day and I spend 40 of those mins. driving back home.

Sunday was fine. I went to church, my cousin was filling in for the pastor and talked about the Punisher vs. Batman. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who got it but that's ok he's 2 months younger than I am and in general the rest of the church is on average 75+.

lol the breeze ruffling the drapes on my windows is freaking the dog out making him bark. Poor little guy is shaking but it still makes me laugh.

Anyways after church I had work church. Book attempted to run away into traffic again and I was tempted to let her go but I didn't and she made me a picture so I guess it was an ok deal. I had to explain the concept of the holy ghost to Natalie who is adorable but the concept of 'a part of God living inside her' kind of freaked her out a little. I hope I didn't give her nightmares or something.

There was a nap in here and then I went to work. Our resident who went to the hospital was admitted and has some tiny blood clots so he's going to be there for a few day. It sucks for him but the house is finally going to stop smelling like pee because he'll be away for awhile. So lots of being nights for me coming up at work. The best news is though my boss told me I'm going to be on Day turn or 9-5 all of may! That's going to be beyond awesome.

BEDA:Twenty Five

2009-04-26T05:40:00.000-07:00

To much work happened yesterday night for me to post. 3-11 isn't goof got blogging at least not for me when i don't get home till past midnight and need to get up for church the next morning. I'm skipping hair drying for this. So we had a resident go to the hospital last night. it was at ten till six and he hadn't gotten back when I left at 11:15p so I guess the ER was busy. Especially busy for him since he wasn't in serious danger of bleeding out or something. I hope he's back when I go in tonight.

In the mean time I'm off to church and to spend time with the demon children of the church I watch the kids at. Yes, I go to my own church then the church I work for. I know I'm pretty lame and yes, I would like to sleep in on sunday every now and then.

Peace peeps.

BEDA:Twenty Four

2009-04-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know today is the 25h... I had to much wine last night.

BEDA: Twenty three

2009-04-23T21:02:00.000-07:00

Ah yes wine and a blog. Sounds like a good way to end this bizarre day I've had.

5:44a My neighbor called me to 'say hi'. I didn't have to go to work till 3pm needless to saying 'hi' wasn't exactly what I wanted to do.

1:30p I'm getting ready for work and my neighbor frantically calls me from Dollar General demanding I bring his twice ex-wife there to help sort out this refund he needs to get. He's all screamy and I was so not a fan. Did I mention I was getting ready for work?

3:00p I walk in to work and things are immediately strange. I don't know what just yet but things are for sure off.

3:30p I'm informed people have been peeing and pouring bleach in my house plants I brought to work. That's right peeing and pouring bleach in the house plants that sit in the dining room of the mental health facility where I work. These people have been exposing all residents and employees to bio and chemical hazards for some stupid reason I don't understand. Did I do anything to them? No. I stood up for my rights as a human to be treated as such and now they're doing this. It's just sick.

6:00p My boss turns up and confirms the situation. I can't get rid of the plants because they're 'evidence' so they have to stay sitting in the window in the dining room till the whole thing is resolved.

11:00p I call my Mom and she thinks I should quit. I don't even know what to think anymore. It all just makes me laugh because it's so ridicules.

12:00a I sit down with some wine to write my blog. It's been a weird day.

BEDA:Twenty Two

2009-04-22T15:55:00.000-07:00

I just got up from an amazing nap and have that post nap warm and fuzzy feeling. It's lovely and I don't want it to end even if I know it will and soon since it's really cold in my apartment. It's actually colder in here than it is outside. Why? Who knows but it is and I really don't want to turn my heat on. Spring is the time my bills should be going down because I'm not using my heat!

I've been watching Buffy a lot lately... because it's free on hulu and I don't want to buy the box sets because they're expensive and I still manage to be poor. I forgot how cute Buffy's hair was when she comes back from LA in series 2. I miss cute shoulder length hair not that I could ever pull off shoulder length hair. Although her sweater sets I don't miss so much 1997 wasn't really a great your for fashion. David Boreanaz is still really hot but I kinda forgot how hot his baby faced Angel was. I'm pretty sure he was broody before broody was a word. I think he beats Edward Cullen x10 on a broody scale.

Yeah, pretty boring today. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting.

BEDA:Twenty One

2009-04-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

I get really jealous of those who have poetic skills and music ability that can translate into writing their own songs. Sure I can play a crap ton of instruments but none of them are useful when it comes to writing music. I got a piano for my 13th (?) birthday and never did anything with it! I'm such a moron. What makes this harder is that I don't have any musical friend either. I don't have a single friend who plays piano or guitar to a level where they could teach me in exchange for food. (Yes, food. I like to cook!) So the long and the short of this is I think I might take some lessons of some kind on I think the guitar once I move and get settled again. Lessons cost money though and I'm trying not to spend money because I want to go on vacation in Aug. More on my vacation plans tomorrow though. For now I have to pack up my stuff and head to my apartment because I have some Doctor Who to watch. <33333 Series 4 where Donna brings the awesome. That's right I love Donna the most.

Yeah, worst blog ever but I don't care because... well because I want to be watching Doctor Who more than blogging.

BEDA:Twenty

2009-04-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

Lets get political peeps. I know run away screaming Kelly's about to get in her soap box about something but this is really starting to piss me off. Every time I read something about teen pregnancy rates I get angry because I honestly believe the lack of education has done a huge disservice to the young people of this country.

I didn't know much about anything other than the pill and condoms till I took my Human Sexuality class in college. We were told the best way not to get pregnant is to not have sex. Sure this is extremely true but lets be honest here the advice of Mrs. Hilton who would send you to look for her glasses when they were sitting on top of her head is not often heeded by young adults. What is even more scary to me than my health teachers bug eyes is the concept of 'magical thinking' when it comes to protecting against STD's and pregnancy.

Magical thinking is nonscientific causal reasoning that often includes such ideas as the ability of the mind to affect the physical world, correlation mistaken for causation. When applied to th use of contraceptives: I didn't use a condom last time and I didn't get pregnant so I don't have to use one every time because that's how it worked before.

What makes this extra scary to me is that this idea is not just something teens are believing. This idea is extremely prevalent in 18-29 year olds. In my mind these are people who are old enough to know better. Don't believe me? read the report [PDF]. If you aren't much of a scientific report person the key findings are on page 1 (the actual 3rd page in the PDF and page 4 (page 6 in the PDF) is where the survey starts.

Test yourself and see what you believe and know!

BEDA:Nineteen

2009-04-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

Ok sot his was blank when I posted it WTF?

So here's the deal hockey fates. I promise I am not watching the Pittsburgh/Philly game. I'm not watching because I know you don't appreciate it when I do watch. For some reason that I can not understand you refuse to let the Pens win when I watch. It's playoff time and I can't risk it. I swear I only watched about 5 mins and I'm no where near the tv to watch now so it's ok if they make a come back ok? OK?

Right now that I'm done pleading with the hockey fates I can tell you about the rest of my day ... yeah not much else to say. I came home from work slept for an hour went to watch the kids at church we attempted to watch Bolt but evil Brooke (ie: evil baby orphanage Brooke) kept trying to fast forward to where she left off in the movie and attempted to bite me when I took the remote. The other kids cheered when I got the remote away from her. Thankfully I am still teeth mark free as well. I really didn't want to have to get any shots because she got her chompers on me.

I work my last night turn for awhile tonight. YAy! I have two days off so I'm sure I'll be sleeping the first one and then being as normal as I can for the second. I'm excited to see that that 'normal' brings.

BEDA:Eighteen

2009-04-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when a really great music thing rolls into the area (by area I mean up to three hours away)I have to work the next morning and have no one to go with because it's on a tuesday night?

Neko Case is going to be in Cleveland and I want to go. Better yet it's $5 since I'm on the venue's mailing list. WHY MUST THE FORCES BE AGAINST ME WHEN IT COMES TO ALL THINGS AWESOME!?!?!?!?!

Stupid dark orbs.

Dark Orbs - Once upon a time I visited a psychic (I totally typed psycho first) right before we started college. The psychic told me I have dark orbs in my life. The she attempted to sell me a crystal to get rid of them. I did not buy said crystal and now when something annoying happens I blame the orbs.

In other news I am going back to sleep because I have to go to work tonight. Sleeping thought e pounding of tin is going to be fun. I love it when my Mother crafts and insists I come have dinner with them before work.

BEDA:Seventeen

2009-04-17T12:50:00.001-07:00

Quote of the night/week: "I hope no Doctors are coming her tonight with an attitude about my genitals."

How to react when a for serious crazy person (because what normal one would?) say this to you:

1. Do not laugh. It's tempting to see this as a joke when a large old man is saying this to you from an arm chair across the room completely out of the blue but do not laugh.

2. Promise no one is coming for his genitals. I would say this one is fairly obvious because if someone who happened to be a Doctor was coming it wouldn't be in the middle of the night and the only attitude they would have would be one of concern for his lack of showering and the over use of the big ol' bottle of lotion by his bed.

3. Go back to what you were doing and keep trying not to laugh. For me this was watching Bones. Thankfully it was a corpse so I was grossed out not amused by a social faux pau one of the eccentrically brainy characters had made.

And that friends is a lesson on how to field random questions from crazytown.

In more my real life related news I managed to sleep six and a half hours today! This sounds stupid but it's hard for me to sleep in the daytime so a solid block of sleep like this is a true triumph. I had dreams about Bones because that's what I'm watching at work this week. I also made shrimp friend rice today which sounds weird because I just got up but I was really hungry! No worries I'll have cereal at work for dinner to make up for the weird breakfast.

I really love the green goodness bathhouse smoothies not just because they're tasty and a good source of veggies/fruits for the days I don't eat a ton of that but because it grosses out everyone at work. They don't eat green things or anything that isn't meat or a carb. They had meatloaf last night and the one lady sat and picked out the onions and sun dried tomatoes that were in it. Mind you this is a staff person not a resident her quote 'she just doesn't eat those kinds of things' the nurse has been a bit critical of her diet because we really do set a food example for the residents. If we don't eat it a lot of the time they won't and then it'll be a row of turkey sandwiches for dinner instead of the really nice meat loaf.

Sorry all the food talk lately. I have a sad life that centers on work, sleep and food this week.

BEDA:Sixteen

2009-04-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

I slept all day therefore I have nothing to talk about. WRONG!

I actually had a really good idea in the car on the way home from work this morning but I forget what it was now. I really hate it when it happens. I need to get one of those little memory saver key chains that you can leave yourself messages on. I think it would be better than writing on stuff around my desk/where I happen to be or writing it on myself. Writing on stuff around my desk wasn't such a bad idea till I put my cup of sharpies on my desk. So now that I have the sharpies they're what I go to to write with (because they're pretty and smell... like sharpies which is good). You just can't wash it off to easy this is fine when I write on the tissue box that will get thrown out or on my diet coke I'm drinking not so fine when I write on my printer or actual desk I think have to scrub things which makes me annoyed. Writing on other stuff around me. This is usually ok because I make it a point not to have sharpies in my pocket. I know my boss wouldn't be pleased if I write on the counter at work in sharpie when we have a post-it stack right there. I will however write on the stupid insert cards from magazines, or the back of the glove boxes. I also write on my hands and arms a lot. This is a bad idea because I wash my hands more than a normal person so whatever I wrote there is not staying long.

Random: I just turned on TV and there's for real a show called 'The Cougar' as in a dating show with an older woman wanting younger guys. Do I have a problem with this? No by all means go to town older ladies I hope you find love. I don't appreciate you dipping into my pool of men though because I'm 24 and your smooth botoxed skin and ability to aford a personal trainer from your last divorce puts me at a disadvantage. I also don't completely understand why you would want a guy who is a lot younger than yourself due to a maturity gap. The priorities of a 22 year old guy and a 38 year old woman are different. ok, ok enough I'm going to hop off this train of thought and change the channel before I get to annoyed. I do have to say if people were walking around calling me 'The Cougar' I would be annoyed. She has a name people!

Wow that was a rant.

BEDA:Fifteen

2009-04-15T13:33:00.000-07:00

I woke up with no voice this morning. Well I couldn't breathe much either both of which were annoying more than likely connected to my icky gross sickness.

Today I haven't done much other than hang out and watch Bones. I downloaded Caprica the pilot for the new BSG-verse show that's going to be on Sci-fi this fall... well they say it is but the life of scripted shows for tv is a complicated thing and it could be canned before then.

This blog has now been interrupted by dinner which is baby Brussels sprouts and chicken sausage. Good stuff people, good stuff.

I have a love/hate relationship with single serving packs of food. I'm stupid as to what a normal portion size is because I'm a.)American and b.) spaghetti with cheese with a meal to my family growing up. So anyways the portion of food is a bit confusing to me because pasta should be a side dish and I can't comprehend this with pasta or most other carbs. So single serving foods help me out a lot to keep meals balanced and such. What I hate about these single surving packed foods is the amount of packing involved. These single packs usually come in a huge box wrapped in their own plastic as well as plastic inside the box or in little plastic trays that you can't really recycle. So yes, my better relationship with food is contributiong to killing the enviornment.

So I work tonight which will be special because I don't care for the night shift. I'm taking my kleenex anti-viral in hopes of not passing my germs on.

Now I'm off to actually wat the rest of Tom Milsom's blogtv show.

BEDA:Fourteen

2009-04-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

I think I'm dying. Not really but I haven't been sick since Oct. so it's been awhile since I've felt this poopy and it seems worse than death because in death I doubt your nose drips semi-liquids. That was gross. Sorry.

So anyways I'm sick and it's my day off so I'm laying around enjoying my bed and the wireless at my parents house because I am a.)to sick to do anything else. b.) to lazy to do anything else and c.) all my old tissues are in a plastic bag under my pillow and if I do move the dog will get them and make a huge mess. (he has a passion for used tissues like none other).

On the upside I have nonapreils aka fancy snow caps from easter and am enjoying those. I'm also catching up on Bones. Why wasn't I watching this show before? Oh right I never watch the American Idol channel because I even hate American Idol commercials.

Things I still need to do today:
-get dressed not in pj's but clothes i can go out in.
-pack up my stuff
-get some groceries
-return to my apartment
-take the trash out
-call about new apartments to move to. (tomorrow)

eh. I'll be up and going by 3:30 I'll give myself 45 mins. Procrastination FTW!

BEDA:Thirteen

2009-04-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

I can't do this with one Album so I'm going to use my whole library.

Are you male or female:
Suffragette - Nina Gordon
Describe yourself:
Good Enough - Evanescence
How do you feel about yourself?:
I Can Do Better Than That - The Last 5 Years
Describe where you currently live:
Wild World - Cat Stevens
If you could go anywhere, where would you go?:
Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin
Your favourite form of transportation:
Get on Your Feet - Gloria Estefan
Your best friend is:
Falling Slowly - Once Movie (Most likely going to be the song for her wedding)
Your favorite colour is:
Blue Tulip - Okkervil River
What's the weather like?:
Asleep on a Sumbeam - Belle & Sebastian
Favorite time of day:
I'll Be Here When You Wake - The Reindeer Section
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?:
I Need a Life - The Born Ruffins
What is life to you?:
A Comet Appears - The Shins (For the lyrics not so much the title)
What is the best advice you have to give?:
Don't Lose Yourself - Laura Veirs & Saltbreakers
If you could change your name, what would it be?:
Emily - Stephen Fretwell (We had over 5 Emily's in my graduating class)
Your favorite food is:
Warm Panda Cola - The Boy Least Likely To
Thought for the Day:
Meddle - Little Boots (lyrics more than title again)
How would you like to die?:
Better In Time - Leona Lewis (aka: Of old age)
Your soul's present condition:
I'm Still Hurting - The Last 5 Years
The faults you can bear:
The Fear - Lily Allen
Your motto:
I Believe - Spring Awakening

BEDA:Twelve

2009-04-12T18:55:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter everyone! I say Easter because that's what I celebrate. However this is going to be short because I need to leave for work in 10 mins. If I had interwebz at work I would do this there but alas I do not. So... yes short entry in a list FTW.

-Church, baby cuz Carson stole the show being cute. Sorry jesus you need a newsie had and suspenders to out cute this baby.
-Work church... 12 kids with candy 1 me. It was like thunder dome.
-Family coming over for eats. They started talking about 'culture' which turned into 'why are black people still mad about slavery then to irish people having the right to be mad for having work work for low wages and then to how much they had mexicans. So yeah.... special family time was indeed special.
-The sleep because I'm going to work.

which I'm leave for now. Bye!

BEDA: Eleven

2009-04-11T20:53:00.001-07:00

BEDA:Ten

2009-04-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

Last night we had our Seder at church. It was really fantastic and went a lot better this year including bringing in a full house from some of the other local churches. The symbolic meal worked great and everyone enjoyed the traditional real food. Seriously the lamb was amazing and so was the brisket and the chicken soup with matzoh balls.

So if you have no idea what I'm talking about here's a link that better explains the Christian Seder http://www.cresourcei.org/seder.html because I will fail at explaining it. Basically it's a traditional Passover Seder which takes the hidden unleavened bread and a fourth cup of wine that is the Eucharist.

In less religious news we're celebrating my Mom's birthday tonight so we're having chinese and an ice cream cake. which sounds amazingly good right now... and will no doubt be amazing later.

BEDA:Nine

2009-04-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

I work 7a-3p yesterday came home... ok went shopping first got my Mom's birthday stuff and a dress for Easter then came home. I had some food and then got a call asking me to come back into work for 11p-7a.

The night shift is something I talk about a lot because it's so weird. It's sitting around for 8 hours ding some cleaning and making sure no ones dies. It's like daylight shift but dark and quiet meaning your mind plays tricks. I had the biggest freak out at 5:30am when I heard footsteps upstairs. The whole upstairs of the building is a construction site as they finish so we can move up there so at 5:30 am I as a normal person don't think anyone should be up there but I can totally hear people moving around. We don't have any weapons or anything for obvious reasons so I had to go up there and check to find three of the construction guys clomping around. WTF what construction crew starts at 5:30am? I know they're on a deadline but really that's early. by 6:30a they were cutting tile like there weren't people trying to sleep downstairs. It was just strange.

In more random kind of stuff I totally saw a coyote on my way home. I thought my Dad was trying to keep us from playing in the woods as kids but I really did have one cross in front of my car today. It makes me wonder what else he's been right about. Is 'Big Brother' really watching? *shifty eyes*

BEDA: Eight

2009-04-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

This is going to be short because I have to go sleep... because I'm going back to work tonight. I was called out and as much as it sucks I'm the only person who can come in. What makes this really bad is that the lady who said and did all this stuff... yeah I just did a shift change with her (after her HR meeting) and I'll have to do a second one when I go back in. Uggggh. I keep rubbing my face all stressed out but really it's making my skin even worse than usual. This is the worst blog ever isn't it? Yeah. I thought so.

BEDA:Seven

2009-04-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

My head is going to explode. I think it has to do with being short shifted on sleep, stress and being exposed to two contagious people today. All of this amounts to the most painful headache I've ever had in my life. I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to headaches because I don't or have ever had migraines (or maybe I did but my Mom always said suck it up and deal. Hence why I was walking around on torn tendons in my foot for two weeks before seeing a doctor.) so I apparently 'don't know' what they feel like or so I'm told.

Germs/things I've been exposed to today:
-general daily grossness involved in washing pee sheets.
- eye gook from a residents
-a resident sneeze to the face.
-strep throat because a co-worker came in without antibiotics yet.
-stomach flu of the kid I baby sit for.

Yeah, I'm going to have a disease/illness in the near future

BEDA:Six

2009-04-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

I hate having an over abundance of emotion. It's ridicules when commercials make me cry and I get all girly because stress has far to large of a place in my life and I can't cry when I really want to. it's bad but I can't even find the worlds to write about it because I've been keeping a lot locked up for so long. It's easier to deal with life when you keep a part of yourself locked away and to be honest now is not the time for that wall to be breaking down if it could just wait two weeks I'd be happy to let the crocodile tears flow.

I went to Akron to visit my best friend yesterday. It was nice we had pizza (till I made myself sick with it) and watch Skins and Doctor Who. Sadly no new skins till next year and only the specials for Doctor Who this year. Bright side is the next special comes out for Easter. Though I will say I miss the emotional connection the regular companions bring to the mix.

Random: The two cats my parents have are funny. The little old one (lady) bosses around the big younger fluffy one (Mod). Mod was laying on the pillow just infront of me and Lady strolled up and wacked Mod over the head till she moved giving up the pillow.

Song of the Moment: Lullabay - Dixie Chicks
I'm not a country fan but some of the Dixie Chicks stuff doesn't count because it's special and I say so.

BEDA:Five

2009-04-05T10:06:00.000-07:00

I really like kids. With that said there is one kid who I hate more than all the rest. Her name is Brooke and she's an evil fourth grader.

Examples of her evil:
-When a two year old asked how Alvin and the Chipmonks ended she told him they were eaten by Dave.
-She stole and Nintendo DS from a four year old and refused to give it back even though it was his and he was crying.
-She told the little kids Simba got what he deserved when his Dad died and that he should throw himself off a cliff too.
-She bites people.
-She locked herself in the closet on purpose to attempt to get me in trouble.
-She ran away back to her house in the middle of church after kicking her Dad in the knee so he couldn't chase her.
-She hit her brother with a baseball bat intending to hurt him.

My theory is either she's going to grow up to be a serial killer or her little brother is from suffering years of abuse under her. Poor Austin (her little brother) is the sweetest thing too. He likes to color and makes things and it's even more adorable because he's color blind and has a slight speech issue so he'll ask you if things are 'gween' all the time. Seriously adorable little boy with an evil big sister.

I think the world really would be a better place if Brooke went to the evil baby orphanage.

BEDA: Four

2009-04-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

When you think of workplace discrimination you don't exactly think of yourself or at least I didn't. I've always been used to people being overly critical of me due to my weight, my quiet nature and my lack of desire to spill my secrets ect via the phone or in person. In short I know I tend to make people uncomfortable.

I honestly didn't think people could react like this. it wasn't till it was pointed out to me that I was being discriminated against and intimidated by my co-workers that I understood it. I shouldn't be intimidated because I'm young, unmarried, don't have children or am over weight and it shouldn't be a way to undermine my authority with our clients which has already been done. None of these are reasons for people to feel I'm a threat in any way but apparently people do and that's sad.

I think my shock to the situation stems from having a drama free life while in school. I picked my friends well and had few incidents of teasing. Sure it happened every now and then and it hurt just like it did for everyone else but you learn to be like a duck and let the water roll off your back having that slightly hardened outer layer that protects you. This is why I give so little of my personal self to people I don't trust. This is pretty unfortunate because I'm a funny, happy, good friend to those I let in and the rest of the world I let go on thinking I'm boring and shy. Sadly they're missing out because I'm awesome.

So now I have this huge case pending with HR at the company I work for that will no doubt be awful to deal with on our crew of five employees. With so few people it's easy to find out who did what and when. I wish I didn't have to do this but the reality is if I don't take a stand my self worth will take a hit as well as letting this person get away with it and letting them think it's ok to do to others. It isn't and I'm taking a stand.

BEDA:Three

2009-04-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

In case you missed it I love Battlestar Galactica and I have yet to say anything about it ending. I'm pretty gutted that what I consider the best drama on television is gone. Sure I was satisfied with the ending and it was a great show for the five years it's been on. So here I am advocating for people to watch BSG even though it's over.

You should watch Battlestar if:

1. You liked the West Wing
2. You like aviation
3. Space is appealing to you
4. You have interest in Political Issues.
5. Military Drama's are your thing.
6. Family dynamics are something you find interesting.
7. You like hot guys and gals.
8. The bending and breaking of defined gender roles is something you love.
9. You dig sexy robots
10. You're sick of people talking about how awesome it is.
11. You want to know where the best fake swear ever came from.
12. You want to get some of the inside joke in Chuck and Big Bang Theory
13. You want to see some of the Dollhouse cast before they met Whedon (or before they came back to Whedon).
14. You are sick of really bad scifi.
15. You want to see quality acting on tv.

So there you go 15 reasons you should watch.

BEDA:Two

2009-04-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

I'm not a Doctor. I'm not a nurse. I'm not even a CNA. People seem to think because I have a basic amount of health knowledge and am certified to pass medications including anti-psychotics and every class of drugs I know everything these is to know about their health issues. I can't look at your rash and tell you if it's fungal or not. This is why people need to go to the Doctor not just for their own health but to help people like me!

In other news I slept in far to long today and am really confused about where my time went. I do not like it but I like my sleep to much to change it. I really do like staying up late with my own agenda and not at work. I think 3p-11p is the best shift for me right now.

BEDA:One

2009-04-01T10:10:00.000-07:00

BADA 'blog everyday in April'. I'm going to try this and see how much I fail. I'm seeing fail by day 8 if not sooner.

So today I took my neighbor to see his Parole Officer. His car is working but this treatment he's on is making him hallucinate. Yeah that's fun I already have to tell people there aren't invisible dogs or other men in the room at work and the CIA isn't on the phone but dealing with it when I come isn't what I want. No the elephants in the yard aren't real and there aren't horses in your apartment.

I've been working on distancing myself from him anyways because I plan on moving soon... like real soon like if I found a place in the next week I'd be in there. Sadly it would be less money to buy a freaking house than to rent a one bedroom place. That's extremely frustrating.

So I think that's today so far.

NYC

2009-03-24T17:09:00.000-07:00

So I went to New York yesterday. It was just for a day for my sister to visit a grad school. It was a nice change though. This has been the longest I've remained in the Oh/PA/WV Ohio Valley area and I really needed a break. I was starting to develop the really awful grammar/accent of my birthplace which makes me want to die so instead of dying it's better to take a break and leave the area.

When I go places with my sister there's always an interesting reaction. We look... a lot alike. I don't think we look like twins but outside of people who know us it seems to be the general assumption. There's a lot of people who ask 'are you two twins?'. I don't think it helps that when we're together there's often lively discussion that's hard to understand if you don't know our language quirks, body language and inside jokes well. We could be talking about zebra's to the normal ear but really it's something having to do with church. It's complicated. Don't write it off as being a 'twin language' because it's not and we aren't twins by a long stretch because my Mom's a twin and it's really unusual for a twin to have twins... and I'm two (almost three) years older.

While in NYC we did manage to make a stop at Lush and had some really great food. I love having great food. Hummus on lovely bread is always better when in a quaint cafe with all kinds of people and languages buzzing around you. Never does a red velvet cupcake taste so good as when it's from a special bakery recommended by a friend. Ugh. I love good food!

Sadly I'm back to 'normal' now and am leaving for work in a bit. Work people still kind of suck but I like my job so they aren't going to run me off.

Bitchy people make me whant to punch things... like their faces

2009-03-20T09:20:00.000-07:00

It sucks but I hate working with most people who are over 35. They seem to have it in their heads that because they have a family they should take priority in everything when it comes to everything. Guess what folks I'm the one with the schooling so I win. You can't change my days off so you can have three days especially when the schedule you're trying to change in the one we're currently working. I hope you know if you do get your way and my schedule changes you'll be paying me $300 for the flight and room I've booked in NYC to go look at a Grad school with my sister. You may have kids but I have family too and they're important if you like it or not.

This is to the point where I hate walking into work because I over lap shifts by 15 mins with these people. They're the most painful 15 mins of my whole day and it makes me sick thinking about it. I shouldn't have to defend my days off. If you don't like your talk to our boss don't just try to change it. I have sunday and monday off not even the normal weekend. I know you want to take my sunday too but I work two other jobs that day and I'm not giving them up because you're being childish get the other lady who's off friday and saturday to trade you for awhile. It's not like your kid in on a school schedule anyways. They don't miss you on the specific weekend because to them everyday is the weekend without school to tell them it isn't.

I hate being told I'm less important because I don't have a family of my own.

Current Status

2009-03-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. I've worked 7pm-7am two days in a row. I had my 'day off' where I came home at 8am slept till 9:30am then went to watch the kids at church. They I slept another three hours before going to baby sit from 7pm-1am I finally got to sleep a normal amount last night but in the process I managed to sleep or work my two 'days off' away. I managed a 5 min conversation with my best friend and a lunch with my family. This isn't cool. The whole point of days off is the chance to de-stress and relax. Sure I could be doing that now but instead I'm thinking about what to make for dinner and what time I should go to bed in anticipation of the double 7am-11pm I'm working tomorrow. This isn't cool. Thankfully it should be done after tomorrows double and I'll be back to normal.

In other news, I'll be in New York on Monday! yes, only one day but it'll still be awesome!

Out of Hope... for now

2009-03-05T19:32:00.001-08:00

Today was one of those days that work got to me. I work with adults who have mental illness. It's usually great days where it's fun and interesting. The last two days were intense. Strong delusions, trying to break delusions, people playing into delusions. Breaking a delusion isn't easy they're ingrained so deeply and with one of our residents reinforced by institutionalization since the age of 17. She's 61 years old now that's 44 years of pure failure to help her. She's someone with proper help she could have gotten better, she could have lived on her own and with the help of out patient therapy and medication have had a relatively normal life.

This woman thinks she has a husband, who was a fellow resident at the institution. She believes he's her Doctor and won't have any medical attention from anyone but him. He comes at night to do these medical appointments. She suffers from auditory and visual hallucinations. The auditory is hearing voices from her 'husband', others talking or God. Visual hallucinations range from seeing a dog in the house to the 'molecular foundations of all the world' and 'the writing on the wall' as in how rules appear in institutions. Illness is one thing but delusions created completely from living 'under care' makes me sick.

Today we were going to go to PetSmart and visit the animals (all of our residents love animals) but she physically could not go because the delusional writing she saw said she couldn't and that the world would end if she attempted to. Attempting to break these delusions is the hardest part. It's just sitting there and fighting for hours and days every time she brings up a delusion saying it's not real over and over and over again simply having hope that one day it'll sink in.

I'm out of hope today. I just hope I come up with a little by morning.

Things in my journal 2003

2009-02-17T17:17:00.000-08:00

A list if camp memories.
- Playing in the rain with Devon. (The first child I ever got to interact with on a daily basis who is autistic)
- Death threats from Sheena. (even at 18 people wanted to kill me.)
- 'This hill is ignorant'. (a direct quote about a really big hill we had to walk up several times a day.)
- Learning to play chess (and falling in love while doing it.)
- Jimmy's 'I killed him Gilbert moment'. (he squashed a bug and then cried and prayed for it.)
- Hugs. (so many kids so many hugs. Everywhere I've worked since this place has been 'hands off'.)

A failed attempt at poetry.
You called for a favor yesterday and cried to me about your life
you have no idea what you do to me on the inside
you make it so hard to say no
I want you back but I don't.

Favorite quotes
'Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length' Robert Frost

'Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be' Ralph Waldo Emerson

Skins

2009-02-14T16:20:00.000-08:00

I promise not to spoil you if you're watching Skins you should be. I know what you may be thinking. You've heard skins is an over sexed over drugged drama about pretty kids. Yes, it is I won't try to tell you it isn't. They're pretty and they have a lot of sex and do a lot of drug. What you might not know is they address a lot of issues teens deal with from the complexities to conveniences of friendship, dating relationships, coming out of the closet, emigration, dealing with long term illness, separated parents, poor parents, family values that don't always match your own, finding your own identity among friends and siblings, deciphering what love is and what it isn't. Behind the gratuitous sex and drug use are stories of real kids dealing with real issues that anyone can relate to.

So get off your high horse and try watching Skins.

Things I like more than Cake

2009-02-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

- new episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Seriously the latest two episodes were so amazing from an action and character point of view.

- Nerdy people like me who make me smile when they geek out.

- Barack Obama for saying he made a mistake. I honestly don't think he did by making the choices of appointments he did. The problem is fancy people thinking they don't have to pay taxes like the rest of us peasents.

- Sharpie markers.

- Things that smell like cake. Shower gel, lotion, candels ect.

- Diet coke. If there was a 'diet coke cake' I would be screwed though.

- Talking nerdy about Dr. Who. It's a treat when I find someone who knows anything about it.

- Cute Pam & Jim moments on The Office... though crazy Dwight moments are awesome as well.

- When we make a break though with a resident at work.

- When a resident's delusions are just funny. ie: he's been to see me as in Pittsburgh perform as a fetish wrestler. Uh, no and ew gross.

- Getting paid to sit around and re-watch Horatio Hornblower.

- My pink christmas tree which I haven't taken down yet. It's now a Valentine's tree.

- Actually having time to sit down and write this list.

... Though having cake with all of these things would make them even more awesome.

The problem with being a good person

2009-02-02T07:01:00.000-08:00

The problem with being a good person is you don't get a day off. I work a tonnage of hours at my day job, keep the nursery for a church baby sit for a family with special needs children and do all kinds of favors for my family and friends. Don't get me wrong I like doing these things most of them time. I usually do most of them on the first of my two days off a week. Today is my second day off and all I want to do is relax. Instead of relaxing I'm doing cost analysis of fixing my Parents ceiling for the, having to run my neighbor with staff infection to the Doctors office and then possibly to the Cleveland Clinic if he doesn't have a ride, 'loaning' my sister more money and making some graphics for a friend. None of these things I really want to do.

All I want to do today is pay MY bills, go tot he grocery store, organize all my financial information, take out the trash (more complicated than it seems given the inch thing ice between my door and the dumpster) , make a video for my channel watch some blogtv and Chuck in 3D. The problem is doing all these things instead of the one at the top makes me seem like an extremely selfish person to those who need something from me.

I guess taking a day off is the worst thing to do when you're a good person.

Rave

2009-01-26T19:09:00.000-08:00

So in case you missed it my neighbor is a drag queen. Yeah, rewind a few entries and you can read more about it. The short version is he's a drag queen who lives with his twice ex wife is a recovering drug addict on parole and in treatment for hep C.

Today he sent me to the drugstore with his ex-wife/roomie to make copies of pictures. These were all the latest picture of him in drag which I took. Then we get back and an hour later he knocks on my door and gives me a copy with a sentimental message on it.

Yes, this is sweet and all but it made me realize more and more than 'Rave' (his alter-ego the drag queen) has been coming out more and more. Now I adore him anyways but when taking a 300lbs 6' 4'' man around in public the last thing you need him to do is launch into 'Rave' the bitchy southern woman at the checkout counter. The other day he got toilet paper for free because the plastic got caught in the belt. Rave was about to 'knock a bitch out'. He then pulled out the brick he keeps in his handbag just in case.

I think all this has happened because the guy across the hall who was always just 'the dude across the hall' had his boyfriend move in last week. This boyfriend also does drag. Once 'Rave's' ex-wife moves out later this week I will be the only a)heterosexual, b)real female downstairs.

When I pictured having my own apartment I didn't imagine it quite like this. My life really does feel like a sitcom/HBO special at times.

Where were you when history was made?

2009-01-20T15:05:00.000-08:00

When Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States I was serving lunch to the residents and the rest of the staff. It was a normal day tuna salad sandwiches with fried egg and toast sandwich as the alternative. I made a special apple cobbler to celebrate the occasion. The meal was spent trying to listen to the amazing speach and poetry reading while fielding questions and assuing a resident I was not a rogue CIA agent. Then there was the clean up with thoughts of unity and pride replaying in my mind.

I wonder what other people's experience was? Did they only hear the manufactured news soundbites later because they had to run to the restroom? Was there an epic scene from a movie where the factory assembly line paused so every employee could huddle around a tiny tv with antenna's to witness this great event? Did a caregiver miss the speach attempting to replace a hearing aid battery for their Grandparent? Was there a Mother sleeping though it all because her baby was finally resting? Did third graders pause not completely knowing how important this was?

Where were you when history was made?

Frak you social life

2009-01-17T02:08:00.000-08:00

It's always interesting attempting to explain to people what's so awesome about a show that airs on the sci-fi channel when they just aren't that into it. You can try to explain what a Peabody Award is or how it's like the West Wing in space with more shooting and fake swears but they just don't get it. We're so indoctrinated with crap TV that when something good comes along many won't give it a chance because it's different and on cable. BSG hasn't changed much but I know it set a bar for what I expect out of television programming and let me tell you the Biggest Loser, American Idol, Superstars of Dance, The Bachlor or any of The Hills spin-offs couldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.

If you don't watch Battlestar you should. All you have to do is go to the sci-fi channel site for the show and do the 'catch the frak up' bits and you'll be ok to go. I'm not saying watching all the episodes wouldn't be better but the catching up will at least get you going. Don't be daunted by the myths and such of the show because it's going to end meaning it's only been on for four seasons (ok so maybe it's been more like five or six years but really four seasons and a mini-series). Trust me when I say you're missing out on the gratest show on tv if you aren't watching.

So the long and short of it is when people at work ask me if I'm going out on friday and I say 'frak no I'm watching BSG tonight' it's in no way a bad thing because they're the ones missing out.

Book Meme I found

2009-01-13T19:26:00.000-08:00

1. What are you currently reading? If you're not reading anything right now, what was the last book you read?

I'm reading 'World Without End' by Ken Follett. It's the kind of sequel to his other book 'Pillars of the Earth'. It's pretty great so far and Pillars was awesome. They're a bit daunting though because they're quite look and the larger the book the less likely someone is to randomly pick it up I think. I will say there was great joy for me in finishing Pillars because it was so long. I'm also reading 'Youtube an Insider's Guide to Cilmbing the Chart' byAlan Lastufka & Michael W. Dean. This is much slower going for me though because I have trouble reading information/how to books straight through. It's an entertaining and informative book though so my lack of skills in that kind of reading isn't a comment on it.

2. Where is your favorite place to get your books from?

Generally I get them from Amazon. I like going to the book store but honestly shopping in a store is not my thing. I can go in there with an objective and not end up with what I needed and a million other things I don't or I walk in just wanting to explore and find nothing I like. I don't really like how most book stores are organized either with specific books up front when some awesome little gem is stuck in some dark neglected corner.

3. Name a book you read and did not enjoy.

This one goes to 'The Time Traveler's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. I read it at camp this summer and I had a lot of people telling me how awesome it was and how I should love it but I just didn't. It was good but not what I wanted it to be. I was also spoiled because someone told me Eric Bana was playing the main male Henry and it just kind of messed with what I had going on in my head for the character. Actually I think knowing Bana was doing the movie killed it for me I just always think of Chopper and that random comedy show he did forever ago. Being shown those by friends and the awful event that was his Hulk movie kind of put me off him for life.

4. How has your taste in books changed over the years? What types of books do you read now as opposed to five years ago?

Well five years ago I was mostly reading things for school so my personal taste hasn't changed to much. I still like historical fiction with a dash of young adult (even if I am 24) and classics. I know I would have finished the Hornblower Series before this time so at 19 I'd say I would have been reading mostly for my Athurian History/English class.

5. When you walk into your favorite bookstore, where do you go? Mystery...Romance...Latest Releases....Non-Fiction...etc?

The problem is I never know where to go. I usually head for general fiction and then over to non-fiction/history/biography. Yes, I like to read the odd biography and history book. What can I say I loved 'Citizen Solider' and 'Band of Brother's' by Stephen Ambrose.

6. If you could have a conversation with any character from a book who would it be?

I'm going to take flack for this but I don't care. I would really love to speak with Charlie from 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. Many events of his life in the book never happened to me but I think as a person I found him extremely relateable. If you haven't read this book you should. At one point I had three copies so I could always have one when the other two were on loan out to my friends. In fact I have it right next to me in my desk drawer.

7. What's next on the book list and what did I just finish?

After World without end I'll be reading 'Paper Towns' by John Green and then 'The Shack' by William P. Young. I know I suck for not having gotten to Paper Towns yet but I had to wate for christmas money and I got 'World Without End' before Paper Towns' came in. I've been putting off 'The Shack' since halloween when my Mom gave me a copy. I promised her I'd read it so I need to make time for it. Previous to starting 'World Without End' I was reading 'The Intimate Adventures of a Call Girl' by Belle de Jour and 'Mansfield Park' by Jane Austin. I think all these qualify my taste as eclectic.

Sophie

2009-01-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

One of the residents at work has taken to calling me Sophie. She's old and schizophrenic so I'm fine with that and it's become 'SophieKelly' now because letting her call me Sophie can lead to bad bad things like when I don't realize she's speaking to me and she needs something. Today I finally asked her why I'm 'Sophie'. I thought it would be something like she had a friend named Sophie growing up and I reminded her of that friend. Oh no it's much more random and I guess flattering than that. She's taken to calling me Sophie because she thinks I look like Sophia Loren. Um in case you didn't know Sophia Loren is a freaking sex symbol and I am so not. Just for kicks here's a Sophia Loren picture and a picture of me.

I'm so going to take this as a compliment.

Being Productive

2009-01-07T13:53:00.000-08:00

This morning while getting ready for work I was thinking 'I get way more done at 5am before I leave for work than I do in the 8ish hours I have after work before going to bed.

I get up at 5am (I have to leave by 6am and am by no means a morning person) I have my yogurt or Special K and diet coke. Up next I check my e-mail, the blogs I read and youtube for new subscription videos. Then it's time to wash my face and do my hair (which takes longer than it should but I have fluffy hair and it's huge in the morning). Then it's make-up and more poking the internet playing with stumble upon and such. All the while I'm usually watching something on hulu.com the newest mini-episode of Battlestar or something like The Office, Chuck or Doctor Who on dvd. Then it's time to change, shoes and socks and head out the door. On occastion I've also managed to update my i-pod, beat a level in my Iron Chef for the DS game, make a birthday card, wash my dishes, make a mix cd, and lately update this thing most morning.

There's something extremely wrong with this. I know the only things I'll be doing tonight will be doing internet things, watchin some tv, playing my DS, maybe making a few phone calls and e-mailing/chatting with friends. This list should be way longer than the morning list but it's not even close.

I guess it's no news flash, I continue to be a freak of nature.

Sitcoms and Life

2009-01-06T02:14:00.000-08:00

In general I find sitcoms awful and rarely effective as a form of entertainment. the 30 (0r 23ish) min. format does nothing for me. The jokes are basic at best follow awful stereotypes and improbable 'realities'. I can honestly say I never had a Friends phase and that I haven't really been entertained by the show since smelly cat.

As far as I know the best sitcoms have come from the UK. Now don't think I mean out American adaptations here (though American Office is amazing and tops the list for our own 30min. comedy). I think Spaced is possibly one of the best ones out there. If you haven't seen it you should. Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson and their cast of peeps they still do projects with are amazing. The who plot of the show seems oddly rooted in reality (two people who are apartment hunting find a two bedroom apartment and end up sharing pretending to be in a relationship). Tim and Daisy frequently daydream and we get to see and relate to these ideas they dream up. For example wanting to kill your ex's new man, thinking of yourself as successful when you're still failing, falling asleep playing a video game and dreaming you're in it.

Maybe I love it so much because it's rooted in the same sense of humor for example this exchange when Tim has to play paintball ont he same team as his ex's new man:

"Is that the first time you've seen him since....?"

"Yes, I think I was cool I mean, I could have smashed his face in, I could have set fire to him but I didn't."

"What'll you do next ?"

"Set him on fire."

So what's this all about? I have no idea. It's 5:30am and I'm watching Spaced while getting ready for work. it makes my heart smile.

The Curious Case of Brad Pitt's Hottness

2009-01-02T20:03:00.000-08:00

You should go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons. Some of the things I loved, the theme of time and clocks, the epic sweeping romance, the sweet bits of humor, the amount of crying I did. Seriously go see it because I don't want to spoil it. I will say one of the most subtle yet heart wrenching scenes for me wasn't performed by Brad Pitt or Kate Blanchett but by Julia Ormond. It still gave testament to these two great actors to give me that emotional swing though.

I think my biggest thing with the film was how stunning Brad Pitt is. I know this is no great news flash. I have known he was handsome and sexiest man a few times in my life. I think I noticed it so much in this film because He's not completely himself for the majority of it. You see him old for so long that when he reaches the point where little makeup is needed you're stunned by him. I know David Finches directorial choices are a huge part of this. The theme of gold tones though the film makes the whole thing stunning as well.

Having not read the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story I'll have to do so to see how they hold up against one another. In all honesty I think this may be one of the extremely rare cases where the film is better than the book. I'll be sure to get back to you on that though.

Music time it is the end of 08 after all.

2008-12-29T18:11:00.000-08:00

I think my 08 playlist could best be described as random just like most of my life. The songs are pulled from different people places and things over the last year. I will admit the beginning of 08 seems like a bit of a blur but I'll do my best to make the songs as inclusive for all of 08 as possible. Yes not all of this music is the best or new but get over it. It's my year it review!

Chocolate - Snow Patrol
Beautiful Life - Charlotte Martin
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Elevate Myself - Granddaddy
I Don't Fell Like Dancin' - Scissor Sisters
Plain & Simple - Hello Stranger
Mouthwash - Kate Nash
Prince Charming - Adam & The Ants
Pull Shapes - The Pipettes
McPherson's Lament - Rogue's March
New Romantic - Laura Marling
A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
You Can't Stop the Beat - Hairspray
The City is At War - Cobra Starfish
Mistress Mable - The Fratellis
Shakin' - Metro Station
Adventures in Solitude - New Pornographers
A Comet Appeared - The Shins
Rock me Sexy Jesus - Hamlet 2 Soundtrack
Paint or Pollen - Blind Pilot
Notice me Horton - Seussical the Musical
Dents - The Acorns
* The Last 5 Years (The whole soundtrack)
*Spring Awakening ( Seriously Why didn't I know about this show till 08?)

And A million more I can't think of at the moment.
Happy end of 08 everyone!

Holiday with a side of grumble

2008-12-24T03:51:00.000-08:00

Today is christmas eve and I'm looking forward to the resident party at work soooo much more than my family one. Even with hightened anxity that could potentially be dangerous I would so much rather be there than with my crazy extended family. 35 people crammed into my parents house to complain about the food, weather, political situation, that I'm late because I have work and not exchange gifts because... well because they're cheap. We're not talking full on gift buying everyone buys for everyone but an adult exchange that was canceled so everyone buys one less gift.

Yes, I am a Grinch. I am a Grinch due to the actions of others who are passive aggressive and do their Grinch like activities on the sly that ends up not being so sly. For example repeated demands of 'making the schedule better' aren't going to happen. Yes, I'm 23 and your 59 but I'm more eduicated and experienced than you so I got daylight. Get over it. In the world professionals your age has no effect on your seniority especially since we all have the exact same start date.

In other news it could be 60 degrees by the weekend!?!?!?! WTF global warming! WTF!

Institutions

2008-12-22T12:42:00.000-08:00

Today we went out to Mayview one of the Pennsylvania 'State Hospitals' aka mental hospital. Our visit out there has by far been one of the most depressing things I've seen in my life. Acres of disused buildings that have been left to all down made me think of all the thousands of people who had 'treatment' there. They're closing the hospital and are down to one wing for the 30 or so people who have yet to move out but those 30 people are in such an awful state. They call out for medication (making it obvious who's on meds and when) lunch was like a cattle call. All day they're locked out of their bedrooms left to only be in the social room and one day room off that. It was freezing cold with the old leaky windows barely keeping the bitter wind out. Everyone sat around in a medicated daze with their coats around them to beat the chill. In many cases we couldn't tell the staff from the patients.

I wish we could take them all to our facility. The reality is we're only saving two from another institution similar to this one.

Random: The history channel is talking about cannibalism. The bottom corner has their little logo as well as 'happy holidays'. My mind immediately went to a cannibalistic Christmas dinner. Yes, I'm a freak.

Soul missing reward if found

2008-12-22T03:47:00.000-08:00

Between the R US and my crazy family my soul has decided to once again take a vacation over Christmas. I think it walked out yesterday morning when my Mom made me cry before the sun came up. That's a special skill making someone that upset before a sunrise. The R US is contribution by making me extremely tired and stealing my sleep. No sleep, no pleasantness it's simple enough.

I really hate having commitments made for me that I'm not aware of till 24 hours before they happen. I like knowing what's going on and the Holiday season people made commitments for me left and right. No, I can't be at the church choir practice when I'm working my real job till 5pm then going to the R US from 6-11pm. If you asked me when I worked I could have told you that rather than people just being angry with me. Because I don't make the schedule.

Thankfully tonight is my last shift this week at the R US. I still haven't heard about birthday yet. it looks like I'll be working 7am-3pm on the day (which is nice) and 7am-3pm the next day... which kind of sucks because I don't like getting up early after staying up late. I'm shockingly human.

Hm... this is really debbie downer-y. Sorry about that. my soul will be back around the 27th I think.

Physical Restraints and Innuedos

2008-12-15T18:08:00.000-08:00

Innuendos are hard to avoid when the trainer is saying 'now take him from behind'. The room would burst into laughter and snickers as people played into it more and more. We learned physical interventions today... well it was supposed to be interventions in general but it was focused on physical. It was a day of 'next time do it harder', 'she likes it rough', 'yeah your legs between his' ect... My comedic high point was when they paired me up with 'the dude' (who's been mentioned before). He's about 6' tall and I'm 5'1''. The hold basically had my head either in his crotch or his ass. Extremely awkward even if we're cool music buds and have been training together for over a week now.

Over all I hated all the holds we did today. Every single one we did would end up leaving a bruise on someone if they were struggling (if they aren't struggling they shouldn't be in a hold). I know better ones where if I hurt anyone it would be myself that I'm much more comfortable with. Truth be told I would rather not use physical intervention and thankfully the branch I'm in doesn't do it (unless it's worst case going after others kind of deal). I'm a fan of verbal intervention and giving people the opportunity and space they need to bring themselves down with support standing by if they should need help. We touched on the behavior rainbow of joy a bit. It's an arc of escalation, out of control period followed by deescalation ... well that's my jobs version. The version I knew before was more intense and will be the one I think about.

Now for something completely different... I dressed up a The DoctorDonna for Brian's Super Hero themed 30th birthday party. It was fun and no one knew who I was and were inappropriate with my sonic screwdriver. Then I was sick for the next 48 hours of the weekend sleeping or attempting to keep food down. I didn't work at the 'r us' because I couldn't do either of those there. At the moment I'm getting ready for bed leaving a video I need to edit till the morning.

15 days till my birthday. I'll find out tomorrow if I have to work on it or not. I'm trying to be positive and not bet on me getting the midnight shift.

PASS

2008-12-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

P - pull
A - aim
S - squeeze
S - sweep

If you didn't know how to use a fire extinguisher you do now. Also don't put water on a grease fire (including paraffin wax) it only makes it worse.

Why yes, I did do fire safety training today. We also did OSHA which for my job was all about blood/fluid born illness and such. There was also the usual new hire filling out paperwork and policy stuff too.

I thought it was going to be completely awful all morning. The lady doing the training was mean and the room was divided into two groups. Those over 30 at the main table and one guy the same age as me who was also shafted to the 'kids table' as they called it. I honestly sat at a card table like it was a family thanksgiving all day. In the end it turns out the dude the same age as me is pretty cool. He like Battlestar Galactica, Heroes and a lot of the same music I do. In the end it ended up getting better. We even finished early at three. Then our real boss came in and talked to us for 45 mins of unpaid time because we all had clocked out at three.

Tomorrow is driver training which can go several ways:
1. Awful, because it snows, the van I have to test in is a manual, the trainer is crazy or I just fail at life.
2. OK I drive ok and am just 'meh'. This is acceptable.
3. They have a weird driving thing where I just have to sit there all day because I can't even rent a car since I'm not 25 yet.
4. Amazing and everyone marvels how well I drive a van going back to the days of hauling around my friends on the academic team to out 'social events' being sure to have juice boxes and snacks on hand. (I promise at the time my life's ambition was NOT to be a soccer Mom.)

Then next week we'll be visiting the state institution meeting with people who have potential to thrive in the personal care home setting. Then we're doing shifts in the other home (on the other side of Pittsburgh, which thankfully transportation will be provided for us since it would be a 2 hourish commute not counting traffic) till our people move in after Christmas, the 29th to be specific.

Did I mention on top of this I'm still at the 'R US'? I'm not sure for how long I'll be doing full days of real work then going to there for a full shift till midnight or later. Adventures right? Did I mention I haven't done any of my Christmas shopping yet? Not a single bit. As in NO ONE is getting a gift thus far, not even my parents and sister. Something must be done about this tomorrow and Wednesday... because those are pretty much the only days I can do anything about it.

Randomness: The movie Amazing Grace is pretty good. Then again I have always had a soft spot for Ioan Gruffudd since Horatio Hornblower

Awesome Stuff

2008-12-04T09:11:00.000-08:00

1. I GOT THE JOB. I am officially a full time employee in a field that is secure. This is 100% awesome.

2. I finished 'The Pillars of the Earth'. 973 pages of great historical fiction. I won't write a review because it would be hard not to spoil it. My only issues came late in the book at the high of action and I don't want to give anything away. So you should read it, because it really is great. I put the 'sequel' on McPherson Christmas list so maybe I'll get it.

3. We've caught two of the five cats running around the apartment complex. This means there will be no howling cat sex or fights in the basement at 2am anymore... or at least less of them. It's the loud obnoxious one too.

4. I washed my favorite hoodie and it's all warm and lovely again.

Weirdness

2008-12-03T06:12:00.000-08:00

I dreamed last night that as part of Civilization (the game) you have to build stores for celebrities. For example I'm playing as France and Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen wanted a store in Lyon and Paris Hilton wanted one in Paris. Then Robin Williams wanted to open a store in an Indian city that defected to France. Crazy right? That's what I get for watching e! news while playing Civilization before bed.

In slightly less weird news... I had my second interview yesterday. I think it went well the guy told me I have 'great interviewing skills and give well thought out answers'. I don't' really know how to take that. Is is really complimenting me or is he calling me fake for not being more candid. I want to think it's a good sign but I don't want to get my hopes up.

With nothing to do today (aside from taking my neighbor to see his parole officer) I plan on watching the Office most of the day and finishing up the two Christmas presents I'm making that need to be mailed really far.

Not so depressing

2008-12-01T18:24:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd put something here so it wouldn't seem like the world was so fucked up at the moment. Alas all those feelings still hold but I went grocery shopping an got taquitos, whole fruit bars, nutella and corn nuggets. I know gross combo right? I didn't eat them all at the same time so no need to be grossed out. However I did have the corn nuggets and they were amazing.

In random news Heroes is still weird (as in slightly off) but I'll do my best not to spoil it for anyone. Chuck was actually quite good this week too and I'm looking forward to the Office coming back I was really bummed there was no Thanksgiving episode.

ZOMG HEROES!!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!???!?! I should never blog as I watch a show now I really want to spoil it. Gotta post now so I don't feel tempted.

Why I hate Christmas

2008-11-30T21:15:00.000-08:00

It's shocking to most people when I say I hate Christmas. I go to church and get the whole Jesus thing, everyone loves gifts so it's not unusual for pretty much everyone to think I'm crazy. I hate Christmas so much because of my my Parents make it. The next five-ish weeks will be like pulling teeth for me. It's going to be a never ending stream of fights and pouting that I've witnessed annually for all of my memory. I honestly can't remember one truly happy Christmas season in all of my 23 years.

The official kick off of holiday hell is going on now. The Annual 'let bring up your dead parents fight'. This isn't an unusual fight for my Parents to have. When my Grandparents died my Dad had a lot of stuff he needed to work though. I think it's pretty understandable for the holiday season to be a hard time for him. My Mother in her infinite wisdom(crazy) likes to really poke at it this time of year. The quote from tonight 'What do you think your parents would have to say about that?'. This has been brought on with my mother being let go from her job. She'd upset so she must go an hurt everyone around her. This is also not unusual for her. Like I said this isn't an unusual fight but at holiday time it launches my Dad into a downward spiral of hurt and general grumpiness which I can understand. There's nothing like being depressed at Christmas missing those who have passed away.

I can honestly say much of my childhood and my current adult(ish) life would be much happier if my Parents would have (or would) separate. No child should have to see their parents threatening each other with knives in the kitchen. No kid should have to be a messenger from one room to another mid fight. I shouldn't have had to explain to my younger sister that things were OK when they weren't.

I should clarify that my Parents aren't abusive in a physical way. They like to go for the emotional and mental side of things where no one can see what's going on under the surface. Growing up there was no regulation for this kind of abuse in Ohio for spouses or children, especially when you have food to eat and the heat is on.

So why does all this happen at Christmas? I'm not 100% sure. I think it might have something to do with attempts at buying affection or making up for a whole year of hurting both of which never work out.

This is a bit of a ramble and I'm sorry for the emo. I'll try and let go of it soon and make the best of Christmas this year.

Black Friday + Random

2008-11-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

Seriously I never ever want to work retail on black Friday EVER again. True, it wasn't as bad as I anticipated but my cheeks hurt from the fake smiles and grinding my teeth when people were rude, grumpy or were pissed they missed they missed the sale. I honestly didn't leave my resister aside from the tiny break, the unpaid lunch and the 10 mins I helped an old lady look for dinosaurs. Looking for dinosaurs with old people is kinda fun in a manic black Friday kind of way. They call it 'green Friday' at the 'r us' which I find really annoying.

Drake & Josh is one my my favorite 'new nick' shows. I know, I know it isn't exactly new but it's new when compared to the 'Hey Dude' and 'Salute Your Shorts' I grew up on. I some how find Drake and Josh attractive even though they're about 17ish in the show I think. Drake & Josh is marathoning in a thanksgiving 'Bromntic' marathon. ... yes that sentence is awful.

In other news I've started working on the show Manda and I will be doing in our next video. We've come to the conclusion it should be a Trock song. This would be time lord rock like wizard rock fro Harry Potter but Time Lord for Doctor Who. If you look it up on YouTube you'll find out more about it. There's also a forum out there you can find through google (or linked to the YouTube video by nerimon.).

My sister is going to Europe for the next 20 days. Yes, I bitter because my Parents are paying for it for her. I am however slightly pleased that she left her plant in the car over night and it's pretty much dead.

I know, picture Friday... but it would have only been pictures at work which I didn't have time to do.

Random 5: Current Kids tv shows I love
1. Wonder Pets
2. Wizards of Waverly Place
3. Drake and Josh
4. iCarly

And back to the regularly scheduled program

2008-11-27T07:35:00.000-08:00

So when I said there would be picture Friday I had intended to do it every Friday. What I didn't anticipate was not taking any pictures till I left work and it was dark and nothing was interesting. I decided to do picture Friday and Saturday... but then I didn't. Monday I took a great picture of the power plant and accidentally deleted it (isn't that always the way). I just decided to go for it today and post what I had... which isn't much.

This would be the traffic from my drive home on Friday night. The car had some 'special' bumper stickers but you can't really see them in the picture or read them. They were really contradictory things about the war in Iraq though. One was support the troops and the other was about killing innocent people. I couldn't help but think those two opinions would make for a complicated marriage.

Once again in the car and in the dark. Yes, it's that dark at 5:30pm in Ohio. It sucks and I hate it.

This would be the yummy cheese and blueberry danish I got a Tim Horton's the other day. Manda and I had lunch talking of Justin Timberlake and the crazy that is holiday time with y family. There's one quote (not by Manda) that a friend told me that will forever stay with me. "Considering your up bringing and family life it's a wonder you're a normal as you are." So yes, that sums up my family.

And because I suck I added a bonus picture of myself making several bad fashion choices.

I know I've also forgotten the random 5 lately so that's back today too.

Random 5 Favorite Thanksgiving foods:

1. Sweet Potatoes (which I made this year)

2. Mashed Potatoes

3. Turkey

4. Pudding Pie

5. .... I don't really have a fifth. I actually don't care for thanksgiving that much.

Accidental Thursday

2008-11-20T18:16:00.000-08:00

UGH. On my way home from work I was hit by a car. Well my car was hit by a car. Thankfully no one was hurt but this still sucks like woah. My car was just fixed YESTERDAY and was running all nice and awesome like.. Now there's a big dent and broken light up front and lots of red paint on my purple car. It cracked my purple paint and everything. At least it still runs and I can use it to go to work and everything. It just sucks really bad. I know I complained about it on twitter already but it really sucks.

Love The Office. Toby is back which is amazing. Toby is one of my favorites with his morose attitude. Jim and Pam are love though. I know it's weird/stupid but I honestly feel like Pam is someone I would know and be friends with all normal like.

I had more to write but I can't remember now. I'm sure it had to do with work but maybe it'll come back to me tomorrow.

Cheddar Dogs & Vlogs

2008-11-18T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today was an interesting day. I didn't really do much till about 2ish. I finally got my Secret Diaries of a London Call Girl book in the mail! I know I'm way behind the times but I got it for $4 by holding out this long... and I won't have known about it if there hadn't been a show. So I have that book lined up t read next after I finish Pillars of the Earth. Speaking of Pillars I'm a bit irked with it at the moment but I won't say why since I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I'll just say if you've read it I'm 3/4 of the way though.

Then I got called for an interview for another job! This isn't just part time seasonal retail oh no it's a real job! I don't want to get to excited about it but from what I understand it's something I would really love to do. Again though, I don't want to get to excited. More on that after Monday.

Finally it was down to EL where my car is being fixed. I hope the serious vibrations in the front end are going to be fixed and the brakes are getting done and an oil change. Thankfully this is all getting done now so I don't have to worry about it to much this winter. Please don't let me have jinxed myself saying that.

My first ever vlog went up on YouTube last night. It's not all that special but I had fun making it. If you want to check it out I use the same name as on here for my channel just takeout the '.' . The really great news about the vlog though is I've already started on my next one. I convinced or conned my best friend into doing it with me. She also 'forced' me to eat a cheddar dog and a chocolate malt. We taped 25 mins. of hilarity so lets hope I can find 3 mins or so of it that's usable and not just us laughing or making no sense at all. I can't wait to get working on editing this one!

I think that's about it. Dancing with the stars is completely useless even if Lance is on it and I had my first ever celeb. crush on him.

Random: My alarm went off meaning I set it for 10pm not 10am I'm obviously a genius.

Not so manic monday

2008-11-17T15:47:00.000-08:00

Honestly not much has happened today. I stayed up really late last night and then slept in till about ten am which is unusual for me. I like to be up by nine and functioning on a normal schedule. Alas the Sunday nap I usually take got delayed till late so I was just out of sync from the norm.

So a few things I wanted to brig up.

WTF snow. I know it's November in Ohio and snow is not something shocking for this time of the year. However I wasn't expecting it... well I was since I saw the weather but I didn't want it to happen. I hate the snow. What I hate the most about it is that people put down salt. I'm quite short so my pants generally hit the ground even when I get them in 'short' size. When people put down salt you can see it when the water dries! It's such a pain in the ass because it looks gross and I can't get two wears out of them and need to do laundry more frequently. Which I don't like because it's in the basement and it's scary down there with all the locked storage. That picture was at about ... five hours ago. The ground is now completely covered and I'm not happy.

In weekend randomness I got new shoes! I got new sneakers this summer because camp murders shoes and I needed new ones while I was there. Then I went to Scotland and came home and... lost them. How does one lose shoes? I'm not exactly sure all I know is when we got home from Scotland I took them off in the living room of my parents house and then never saw them again. This happen to a lot of stuff at my parents house. Usually they'll put something in my old bedroom in some place I would never put them like in the closet. But I looked in all these places they might put shoes and they weren't there or in any of the places I would put shoes (like lined up at the end of my bed). I have a theory on them having ended up with my sister's stuff and she took them back to school with her. However she hasn't mentioned finding any shoes that are to small for her.

Back to the shoes. I got the sneakers which are uninteresting. What is awesome is I got CROCS. I know crocks have been around for awhile but I've never had real one. Better yet I got pink ones! I've worn sad wal-mart crocs in the rain and in general found my feet didn't get wet. I had the crocs on when I got the mail today and snow doesn't do the same thing. Here's my crocs and my to long jeans because I felt like taking another picture.

In addition to the other candy we made this weekend I baked 7 doz. cookies and helped make two batches of fudge. Yes, it was a productive cooking weekend indeed. I also burned the first batch of cookies so it doesn't count. I guess it was really 8.

I went back to whitening my teeth this week. I took the summer off because it's a pain in the ass to do when you're on a feeding schedule at camp. I didn't have the hour after I take them off to go before eating and avoiding specific foods that are known to stain since we didn't have choices about food at all. So back at it, and I'll do my best not to complain about it making them sensitive.

Last thing really. I got more hours added at work. WOOT.

Picture Friday!

2008-11-14T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've been having fun posting pictures so I decided to do a project I've done on a number of past crappy blogs (lj) I've had. So I take my camera (really my black berry because I'm to lazy to carry my real camera it's to big) around and take random photos throughout the day. It's been a pretty chill day and here's the proof.

It was about 65 degrees today with tons of sunshine. This is one of the many sunflowers we have outside my building. This is me looking up at the flower which are all about to the second floor windows. That's 10ft-ish.

Some of the craft ribbon I had on my desk from working on Christmas/birthday presents I'll be giving. If I don't' start now I'll never get them done. Yes, the ribbon says 'smile'.

An apple for lunch. I had a big breakfast so it was a nice choice. It was actually a really great apple. Something it's nice to just crunch into one when that's what you're really craving. The tape there is a new converter for the tape deck in my car so I can listen to my i-pod in all the speakers again!

The view from the drivers seat of my car trying to help my drag queen neighbor jump his car. I'm pretty sure he hooked it up wrong and blew his engine with a big ol' pop and a black puff of smoke. If he had blown mine I would have cried because neither of us have the money to get it fixed.

The i-pod connected and sitting on the passenger seat of my car. I really hate the radio (aside from NPR news) because of all the commercials and generally dislike a lot of the music they play.

Candy making! This would be white chocolate melting in the pot. We made white, yellow, red and gingerbread colored chocolate molds tonight. Renee our pastor's daughter helped out making a big mess but she was enthusiastic and fun and glad I brought music which I always do.

This is Renee's hand print in the hard tack candy we made. I think this was the watermelon batch. We made peppermint, peach, watermelon, root beer and strawberry.

Finished hard tack coated with powdered sugar so it doesn't stick together in the bags. It's pretty cool when it's hard in a flat sheet you hit it with pretty much anything and it shatters like crazy. It always makes me thing of the sugar art people do on the food network.

All the candy we made is going to be sold for the church. Usually most churches have old ladies that do the work but our old ladies are to old so my Mom and Aunt do it. I got roped in yet again this year. I was also signed up to make 10 dozen cookies. That's a crazy amount of cookies and all of one kind. I'm making basic sugar with chocolate drizzle on top. Simple and pretty.

To be filed under random and funny: I changed my face book status the other day to 'Going to Mexico with Manda' (Manda is my best friend since pre-school). I got all kinds of comments from people saying 'to have fun on my trip'. I'm not going to Mexico. We were at the Mexican restaurant in town that we all call 'Mexico'. I in no way have money to go to Mexico and if I had money for a trip I can think of 10 places I would go before Mexico.

Random 5: Places I would go before Mexico.

-Amsterdam. I always thought it looked like an interesting place for relatively obvious reasons.

-Ireland. I've heard lovely things and would love to check it out for myself.

-Egypt. I've never been to the desert so I need to go... and they have Pyramids.

-Greece. Ancient things look so amazing and I've been told the people of the Greek islands are lovely.

-Bar Harbor, Maine. I've been before. It's really beautiful and I would love to visit again. You can see whales from the road!

Neighbors

2008-11-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

This is an introduction to my neighbors. I don't know if it's just me or this building that attracts the crazy. I'm slowly starting to think it's me.

Shawn & Michelle live right next door. Shawn is a big ol' queen who does drag. He's a recovering addict with Hep. C. Michelle is his twice ex wife and room mate. She has no front teeth and the concept of work is beyond her. They have three dogs. Inky, Fabio and Peaches. Inky and Fabio are Chinese crested and Peaches is a long haired chihuahua (seriously that's unnecessarily hard to spell.). They're all yippy dogs and just ugly. I'm sorry if you're a fan of those breeds but they're gross. Here's the real kicker though. The boys (Inky & Fabio) wear diapers so they don't have to take them outside or train them not to lift their leg. Peachy uses a puppy pad so the whole apartment always smells nasty. He's also home bound due to his medical issues. This means he can't go anywhere so I take him to his doctors appointments. I'm seriously to nice for my own good. I've spent so much money on gas and got nothing back it's crazy. This is not the end though we did 3 emergency room visits in one week. We hit Walgreen's at least once a week and he'll have at least two doctors appointments a week. They're also on food stamps and spend their food money on chocolate. I know for a fact they haven't bought anything for thanksgiving yet and only have $18 left on their card. It seriously baffles me. They also have me over to hang out all the time. Which is nice but weird to sit in their pee and poo house because of the dogs. I've introduced them to Doctor Who so they've been watching that and leaving me be lately. Thanks for taking that hit Doctor Who.

Stacey. He lived across the hall. I don't know much about him other than when he broke up with his girlfriend who lived with him their Parents got into a fight in the parking lot when she moved out. I also know he's over $800 in the rear on rent. At least that's what the note on his door said.

Amanda & Matt. They live upstairs with their 2 year old daughter Katie. They like to sit in their bathroom and smoke weed with the fan on because 'that won't hurt Katie'. They're really nice though they're pretty cool. By all means smoke what you want just don't make me worry about your baby.

Rose, her Mom and her Son. He's a sweet kid who's good at not getting hit by car in the parking lot when he's on his bike. Rose works really hard to keep them healthy and happy. They're normal but for her Mom. Her Mom is dating Mickey.

Mickey. He's a Vet and will tell you everything, much of which you don't want to know. He also says he's a pastor which is why he put cross like stakes in the yard. He also looks at all the women real weird like. He's told me to go put on more clothes when I had shorts on. Trust me when I say my clothes are far from skimpy so extremely far. He's also attempted to touch my hair which freaks me out. He's started feeding stray cats. Now I like cats but my apartment is to small to keep a pet. I really don't like pregnant cats running all around out building being fed till they have their kittens and the number of strays triples. And I really afraid of running one over when I back out of my spot or something.

These are all current neighbors. I had a vampire neighbor in the past who was really scary. He would skulk around on the roof not using the door to his apartment but the window. He was finally removed my mental services because he was getting dangerous with his golf clubs and constant screaming at all hours. The people who moved in there I haven't really bet yet but they seem to have a dog that looks like a pit bull. I LOVE dogs but not so much ones that can be seriously dangerous and cause renters insurance to go up.

Random 5: The next few songs on my i-pod that come up on shuffle. I promise not to cheat.
-The Wizard & I - Wicked (who doesn't love Wicked?)
-Mony Mony - Billy Idol (for all your 80's party needs!)
-Gap - The Kooks (really cool band. You should know this.)
-Navy Taxi - Kate Nash (I haven't come across one of her songs I didn't like or couldn't relate to.)
-The Guterati? - The Fratellis (They got a lot of attention when the i-pod commercial came out. Their newer album isn't quite as good but I still like it.)

Scotland!

2008-11-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

First things first, Scotland is my favorite country I've visited so far. Honestly I would move there tomorrow. Well not tomorrow because I don't even have enough money to get there let alone live and Barack Obama WON so I don't feel the urge to flee at the moment. I did get to flee this summer though and that's what this is about.

Going anywhere with my family is like a ticking time bomb of extremely bad doom and nothing good can come from it. I learned this at the age of oh I'll go with seven. I went into this trip with hope, hope I would make it though with my sanity in tact. That might be questionable.

Our trip started off OK. Cleveland to Newark and everything was running pretty on time. You can't really beat that. The flight to Edinburgh was long as to be expected but I managed to sleep some which was nice. We arrived to a city under construction. I hadn't anticipated that because I was at camp and couldn't do my usual crazy intense pre-travel research. Though I did manage to book all the hotels and such we stayed in but one. Anyways, Edinburgh is making it's transit system all fancy which is really cool. I hope to go back and try it out when it's all done. The other big thing going on was the Fringe (and about 3 other festivals I think.). We planned this being the theater nuts we are. While there we went to see two shows. I would have loved to see more but time and such wouldn't allow for it. We saw a great show called 'Crossing the Rubicon' that was about young people and the dangers of drinking. It sounds stupid but it was actually really good and was presented well. Just my sister and I went to see it so it was nice to be without the Parents for a bit. They went down to see the palace. We met up then to see 'The Last 5 Years' which is a musical I've been a fan of for awhile. It was really great and I sat in the front row making it even more awesome. You just can't ever sit that close here. While in Edinburgh we also went to see the Castle which is a must and completely awesome. Generally if there's a plaque around I'll be reading it. This kills my family and everyone around me because they just skip these things. The whole experience is a lot more historic and educational if you read them (yes, I'm a nerd like that). The other big highlight of Edinburgh was hurting my back. Don't ask me how I did it because I have no idea. I just know it made the rest of the trip seriously painful. So off to a great start right?

That's my sister with something in her teeth. I tried to tell her where it was but she didn't get it. SO I took a picture so she could see...and said I deleted it. I didn't. Yes, I'm evil.

Up next was Glasgow. It doesn't make sense to really be next but like I said I didn't get the choice of order. This was also where I didn't book the hotel. From what I understand Glasgow gets a bad wrap with the whole being 'glassed' thing. It reminds me of Pittsburgh and Youngstown near where I live. They have grossly high murder rates so I guess I felt at home even though everyone told me to be afraid of people with knives. I think I liked it so much because I have a friend there! She's also the first 'Internet friend' I've ever met. Let me tell you it was freaking awesome to actually walk around with someone I've been e-mailing and writing with for over a year. In Glasgow we did the city and went to church. It sounds like a weird thing to do on vacation but it's pretty freaking sweet going to church in a giant cathedral. My home church is 100 years old but Glasgow Cathedral is pretty sweet. I also got to go t a sci-fi convention and pick up a bunch of Doctor Who stuff. I can't get it in America and that makes me sad inside. We also partied it up with a Sontaran. No that isn't an insult to short people. So coming back from the bar which was just a block from our hotel my sister stops walking half way there (on a big hill) and in her drunken stupidity demanded I call a cab to take her the rest of the way. You could see the hotel from where we were so I had to push her up the hill. Fun times. When we get there things are just magical as the ceiling of our room starts leaking and we have to change rooms. All a great adventure in repacking your stuff while a bit tipsy still and helping my sister who was drunk up the stairs.

Next we headed up North to Inverness! It's a lot colder up there, or at least it was when we were there. Really, really beautiful place and it reminded me a lot of good ol' East Liverpool, Ohio. Only it was bigger, has boats to Loch Ness a cool museum and you could see dolphins from our B&B. That's right dolphins. So we went to the museum and we went to see the soccer stadium. So I have a soccer scarf which is petty awesome in my world. I think the reality is much different but hey I'm cool like that. We also went to their awesome museum and out to loch ness. No monster but it was really beautiful. This was when I got sick of my Mom talking about 'Nessie' and herself being 'kindred spirits'. I'm a little disappointed in all my pictures from Scotland but mostly from Loch Ness. I also went shopping at Lush for the second time in Inverness. It was nice to just walk past one instead of having to drive two hours to get awesome soap. I was also forced to eat pizza and I was annoyed, why have pizza when we could have something new.

Our final stop was Newtonmore. Oh, you don't know where that is? Neither did I till my Dad said we were going to the Clan MacPherson museum. If you asked me to point to Newtonmore on a map I would have to seriously look for it. I know it's on the way from Inverness to Edinburgh. The museum was pretty nice and I learned some random stuff about my family clan. I also got to see the actual fiddle from the 'McPherson's Rant/Lament' song which was pretty cool. There was also a book of 'famous MacPherson's' that included some dude who committed identity theft of the name McPherson. The caption that I'll never forget "Stealing the name McPherson is a serious offense in America". My sister and I also had a great time posing like the angry wild cat that is on the clan crest. Newtonmore itself is tiny and one street. There's all kinds of stuff about Monarch of the Glen around since it was filmed in the area. My Mom loved that because she was the show on BBCAmerica. We were greeted and waved off by the cows in the field across from the train station. I can't really be to snarky about that though because East Liverpool doesn't have a train or bus station to call it's own.

Yes, I look gross and I posted it. I was being a Scottish 'wild cat' it was funny at the time.

The flight home from Edinburgh sucked. It was really late getting in and you have to go through customs even though we hadn't arrived at out destination. Then our flight from Newark to Cleveland was delayed followed by sitting on the plane three hours before we took off. So that put us in Cleveland really late for the two hour drive home. That was a hellish trip in the car with a dead i-pod and crabby people.

Then I slept for two weeks. I never really got to recover from camp so vacation on top of camp was like death and I seriously slept for days. I didn't talk to friends, I didn't do anything. Then I had t go get my car from Buffalo (see previous Camp blog) only to find it was still broken. You could drive it but there was no way of telling how much gas was in it or how fast you were going. So it took another two weeks to get fixed.

To finish up much like I started Scotland is the country I would most love to move to. Even with the rain (though it only rained once when we were there and that was at night.) and generally being much colder I loved it completely.

Random 5: Beverages

-Diet Coke

-Beer

-Cranberry Juice & Diet Sprite mixed together

-Apple Juice

-Chocolate Milk

Camp!

2008-11-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

Oh that's right a post of DOOM. Camp wasn't all doom but it's really easy for it to seem so in a blog. The most memorable moments are the dangerous ones. The small moments of personal triumph fall to the side going unnoticed in my memory for individuals but are a big group of things that's hard to put my finger on.

I'm going to be changing a few things and leaving info out. The camp has a strict blogging policy so I won't be mentioning any campers real names or the actual name of the camp. If you think a program like the one I talk about could be helpful for a child you know feel free to comment and we can work out a secure means of getting the information to you. Why so strict of a policy? Many of the kids who come to the camp are part of serious cases in their state's child welfare system. A lot of these kids have been severely abused sexually and physically and giving information on them could lead to their being judged in the present or the future.

So The camp I was was is in New Hampshire. If you've never been there it's quite pretty but I never really got to see much of a city there. The camp was on a lovely lake (that acted as out waterfront where swimming and boating took place) with several islands also being a part of h property. The camp also had several Eco system that could have been a lot o fun to study if the nature people actually knew anything about nature. Seriously it's one of the most picturesque places in the world and seriously having kids around made it so much fun.

While at camp it was my job to live in a cabin of 6 girls and 3-5 other female counselors. I also taught lessons for the majority of the day in an activity called 'Challenge' which was a mixture of team building and non-competitive group games. It's not an easy area to teach and to make matters worse we were combined with Yoga. Most areas have 3 teachers challenge had two and yoga went down to one (due to staffing changes). Now I'm seriously bad at yoga and in general the kids all hated yoga. The girl teaching yoga was never really all about it. I'm sure she would be a great adult yoga teacher who taught adults interested in yoga but kids who were more inclined to punch you in the face than meditate yoga was problematic. In the end yoga kind of got tossed out because it was made of that much fail. Challenge however kept getting better and better with more kids saying they liked it. Generally sports, arts & crafts and swimming where the favorite activities and for good reason.

Camp life is extremely cut off. Hence why blogging from there was next to impossible. There were two computers on camp for use to use.... and 75 stuff members. We got one hour off a day (when it wasn't our day off) making computer time all about e-mails and that's it. Most days I didn't bother with e-mail and just slept. Sleep was hard to come by. You live in the cabin with kids, they wake you up at all hours to go to the bathroom and to keep ourselves safe we can't go anywhere alone with a camper so two counselors have to get up. On top of not sleeping at night you were running around like a nut all day long playing and singing. It's an amazing but exhausting experience. I always wished more people would realize just how important the sleep they weren't getting was. By the end of each session (and especially the end of camp) I saw some many people slacking due to lack of rest. The kids also got extremely tired from all the activity that wasn't just sitting around playing video games.

A few violent instances went down. I had a kid try to punch me in the face with a brick. I got kicked pretty hard in the shin. I was bashed with a toy boat. I had my face grabbed causing a scar that's still hanging out and most likely will be for awhile. Some other things that happened but not to me where a group being held hostage in the arts & crafts building, a kid trying to steal a camp van to go home, a counselor nearly getting strangled by a piece of rope, lots of broken windows from rock throwing and punching. Tables were flipped, doors were ripped off, cabins were trashed and punches were thrown. Thankfully this all didn't happen in one day but over the summer. The camp practiced holds so thankfully I never had to be a part of one of those. I did however get to chase a number of kids around camp though the woods, swamp and along the water front. That's really not fun.

Some of the kids will stick with me forever, not because they were 'bad' but because they were awesome. Kids who didn't have the self esteem to talk to peers, thought they were nothing, were tying to be their best. The kids who found success for the first time were completely amazing. The whole point of these kids coming to camp was to find something they did. These kids are put in special classes and picked last or to afraid to play or not allowed by their parents of teachers. Camp offers them a place where they can be good at things and cheered on no matter what their skill level. There's nothing I love better than seeing one of our more able and active kids cheering on one of the campers with autism who can't even speak but love to throw a ball. Even the kids who break windows and punch counselors have so much compassion for others it's amazing.

Camp friends! I made some great friends while there. It was a bit of a struggle (I'm a bit older than the average which was about 19) but it worked out in the end. I've doe camp before and it's a world of drama and is exactly like a daytime or 'The N' soap. It's so and so is sneaking off to the overnight tents with their sleeping bags, are this and that person dating? Last session break so and so made out! It's drama city and I really don't have patience for that anymore. I'm 23 and pretty much over it. I did come out of camp with one really great friend. She's a total gem and I'm glad we're going to be in contact or a long time. I know the campers get friendships out of this as well. For many of the kids they've never had friends before. Out last session we got a letter from a Mom talking about how her son and his new camp friend were hanging out all the time now and how happy she was to see her son have his first real friend. Camp friend change you even if you only stay Friends for a summer.

Session breaks are amazing. No really the three days between sessions are pure joy. I managed to visit a friend in the area and take a trip out to Cape Cod (with about 1/4 of the staff) for the first break. This was the only night I really drank, mostly because I was one of a few 'of age' to drink. That didn't stop people though. Apparently I give great advice drunk! This advice is followed by assistance in walking. I'm also a million times for likely to talk in my sleep when I go to bed drunk. At least I didn't destroy my ankle like I did the last camp crinkling experience. Thankfully no one made me go to the beach either. I hate sand... and fish. Yes, the lake swimming at camp was an issue but one I faced when necessary. Th second session break I went to New York with my camp friend. We didn't go into the city but went to visit her family whom she hadn't been in contact with for years. They were really great and offered a much needed home environment I was missing (12 hour drive to Ohio isn't worth it on breaks to come home).

The end of camp is always emotional. The last much for kids, we're exhausted and just sad to be leaving the place we called 'home' for so long. It was hard to leave but I had a trip to look forward to. Three days after camp I was taking off for Scotland! (more about that in my next post.) The most shitty part of the summer, driving home. My car's transmition went out ... in Buffalo, NY. So my car was stuck there till after I got back from Scotland.

So that's camp. It's an adventure and so worth it. I honestly thing it's something everyone should consider in their life. You don't have to work at the kind of camp I did but it's something everyone should consider doing no matter what your age.

Random 5 (something I hope to do in every blog)

Favorites of Fall TV

-Chuck

-Criminal Minds

-Top Chef

-The Office

-30 Rock

2008-11-12T09:55:00.000-08:00

Right.... I kind of suck at keeping a blog. I hope to fix this soon. Over the summer and this fall I've been randomly busy or to sick and tired to update. So what I'm going to do is give a quick rundown of everything that happened in a list and then go back and d entries about them... if I feel like it.

-Camp. Went to camp, loved it. I had a kid try to punch me in the face with a brick, got a nice scar on my face (not from said brick) and made a great friend.

-Scotland. Seriously one of the best places I've ever been. Aside from the whole destroying my back when I was there and the whole going with my family bit.

-Home. Insane family, even more insane neighbor and being poor. Oh and having a sometimes shitty friend.

Really I think those are the highlights of my life right now which is pretty sad. I hope to get back in the habit of updating this thing because I really want to do it. I think I have a story even if it is quite boring and silly most of the time. I never really expect anyone to read it but I want to put it out there because each human experience is unique and I want to share mine.

2008-05-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

Big Brown the 5-2 favorite has won the Kentucky Derby.

Eight Bells the only Philly (girl) in the race broke both her front ankles and had to be put down on the track, she managed to place second in the race.

I'm sure there's some lesson about life to be had from this but really I'm just sad because I always think there's a better way.

*I'm not an expert or anything so it may have been for the best but I can still be sad.

2008-04-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

David Archuleta killed Neil Diamond... in the worst way. Jason Castro didn't do much better either.

Seriously someone needs to take a dart gun of some kind to that kid so he stops murdering great songs in the name of 'tweens'.

Neil has a special place in my heart. He is on the soundtrack of my childhood and the Jazz Singer is still one of my favorite movies (even if it is awful). Seriously the idea of being in the same room as Neil makes me a little weak in the knees. Yes I know that's tragic in a Saving Silverman kind of way (yes I also love that movie).

My favorites from idol this year: David Cook and Syesha Mercado. They took Neil and made his work perfect for them without murdering it.