It's shocking to most people when I say I hate Christmas. I go to church and get the whole Jesus thing, everyone loves gifts so it's not unusual for pretty much everyone to think I'm crazy. I hate Christmas so much because of my my Parents make it. The next five-ish weeks will be like pulling teeth for me. It's going to be a never ending stream of fights and pouting that I've witnessed annually for all of my memory. I honestly can't remember one truly happy Christmas season in all of my 23 years.
The official kick off of holiday hell is going on now. The Annual 'let bring up your dead parents fight'. This isn't an unusual fight for my Parents to have. When my Grandparents died my Dad had a lot of stuff he needed to work though. I think it's pretty understandable for the holiday season to be a hard time for him. My Mother in her infinite wisdom(crazy) likes to really poke at it this time of year. The quote from tonight 'What do you think your parents would have to say about that?'. This has been brought on with my mother being let go from her job. She'd upset so she must go an hurt everyone around her. This is also not unusual for her. Like I said this isn't an unusual fight but at holiday time it launches my Dad into a downward spiral of hurt and general grumpiness which I can understand. There's nothing like being depressed at Christmas missing those who have passed away.
I can honestly say much of my childhood and my current adult(ish) life would be much happier if my Parents would have (or would) separate. No child should have to see their parents threatening each other with knives in the kitchen. No kid should have to be a messenger from one room to another mid fight. I shouldn't have had to explain to my younger sister that things were OK when they weren't.
I should clarify that my Parents aren't abusive in a physical way. They like to go for the emotional and mental side of things where no one can see what's going on under the surface. Growing up there was no regulation for this kind of abuse in Ohio for spouses or children, especially when you have food to eat and the heat is on.
So why does all this happen at Christmas? I'm not 100% sure. I think it might have something to do with attempts at buying affection or making up for a whole year of hurting both of which never work out.
This is a bit of a ramble and I'm sorry for the emo. I'll try and let go of it soon and make the best of Christmas this year.
1 comment:
Dude. Did you say in your last post that you work at Toys R Us? Because I think that I would probably hang myself. I'm sorry about your parents...eat some of your mom's delicious cookies and try not to think about it too much. Sucks about her job, too. Tell her I'm sorry and I hope she finds something else soon. Is Sam still working there?
Miss your face!
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