Vacation all I ever wanted...

So... I think I might maybe take two vacations this year. This is all assuming I'm selected to go to Africa which is still pending though I did send my application in. What I'm really excited about at the moment is VidCon which is an internet video conference happening this summer in LA that I would only need to take two personal days to attend and my travel would cost under $500 which is sooo manageable plus there's the fact that registration is uber cheap and the hotel rate is beyond awesome at $149 a night in LA.

I'm really hoping that I can make this happen. I know for sure if Africa doesn't happen I'll be going. I just need to hold out to register till I know what's going on. Final selection for the trip isn't till Jan. 11th so I have to pray the con doesn't fill up right away.


Also I know I failed at BEDN so lets never speak of it again.

Weekends & Magic

I don't really have a normal weekend. I work the evening shift so I never get to see anyone ever. It's a pain int he ass. I don't really like to complain about it but it sucks so bad. No one is getting any holiday off and there isn't going to be any new staff till the new year. So basically no one can ever have an additional day off ever again.

Ugh. No complaining. I hate complaining.

If you haven't seen BBC's Merlin it's completely awesome and you should fun family actiony dramay good stuff for everyone. Really it's amazing and I love it and you should too. :)

Back to Friday

Soooo... I didn't post after work last night after work. I don't get home till midnight and I really didn't stay up to much later than that.

Nothing of note really happened yesterday. For real boring day nothing evened happened at work of interest. We had a nice honey mustard chicken and potatoes for work. And orange jello but I don't like orange jello.

like I said int he video I made... boring.

Could Do

Things I could do tomorrow before going to work...


-Clean out my car.
-Get my hair cut
-Clean my bathroom.
-Go to the bank.
-Do laundry.
-Finish my sewing project.
-Work on my mission application.

And about a million other things.


What I will be doing tomorrow. SLEEPING.

Grow Your Own

I just had to listen to my Mom give a speech about being anti-legalization of marijuana about 11 times in a row either making her practice it, recording it or editing it. All I want to do is punch myself in the face.


My person stance on the issue: I have far better more important things to worry about than what you grow and smoke.

I don't care. if you want to smoke it fine. I think it should be regulated like tobacco and alcohol thanks to people who do dumb shit like get stoned out of their minds and drive. As for people who use it medically... if it's helping you I'm for it. For those who get it 'medically' and abuse it / have no real reason for it, you're messing up the current system for others. You should be stoned (and not in the good way you want to be.).

In other news I'm am tired and grumpy hence why this is really to the point.

Lifeline

I learned the hard way today that I rely on my cellphone more than I feel I should. 3/4th of the way to work I realized I didn't have the stupid thing and had no time to go back to get it. I was stuck all day with lots of stress over this. I asked my Dad to look for it and he couldn't find it. I was beyond freaked out that I had seriously done something with it and it was lost for forever. I was tot he point where I was planning on dipping into my Africa money so I could go get a new phone. Ridiculous I know. This is on top of general work stress of crazy residents being crazy. And having to cook meals and grocery shop for the rest of the week as well as do my actual duties. It was beyond stressful. I seriously feel about 10 years older now because of it.

Turns out my phone was exactly where I thought it was and told my Dad to look he just couldn't find it at that one moment he looked. I still feel like quite the idiot for getting so stressed about something that shouldn't matter so much.

Friendship Quotes

Effy: Pandora, why are we friends? Do you ever wonder?
Pandora: Well that's super easy. You're my friend coz you're the coolest ever. And I'm yours coz I'd totally do anything you say, and none of your boyfriends ever wanna surf me coz I'm useless.
Effy: And that's it?
Pandora: Yeah.



If you haven't seen Skins before then you should simply because of the many different commentaries on friendships and how friendships change as people grow away from others and closer together. Seriously if you haven't seen it do.

I'm fortunate to have had the same best friend since pre-school. It's strange to have someone who's known you since the time you started to really form memories. It's strange to have that change over the years. My best friend recently got married and this is the first I've talked about it. Truth was I didn't know how to bring it up for a long time. It was a big shift to have to give my best friend up like that. Sure she had been dating this guy for 8 years but getting married officially made her someone elses best friend. It was just a strange moment to have everything change so quickly.

I've had other friendship changes too. Some people are in your life for an amazing time teaching you something amazing about yourself in the world and then they naturally drift away. I have some friends who taught me so much about myself and life that I will forever be in their debt. We're hardly more than facebook friends now saying happy birthday when the notifs come up or commenting on pictures they recently uploaded.

What never fails us are the memories. Friendships fleeting or forever we have the memories.

Busy busy

I love/hate busy days. I always like having stuff to do but when it's my day off I always just want to chill and do nothing. My job can be a mental and emotional train wreck so it's nice to have a break from that. This never, ever happens on a Sunday. Today's schedule:

7:30a Wake-up
9:15a Church
10:30a Second church where I work watching the kids.
12:30p Family lunch for grandparents birthday. (all kinds weird family stuff went down as always)
2:15p Pause to change clothes.
2:30p RiteAid run for new blush and tape.
3:00p Meeting (what I needed the tape for)
4:50p Arrived home. took a short nap.
6:00p Evening modern Worship service.
7:30p Dinner


It doesn't sound like a lot and there was a nap but I for real like to do NOTHING on days off. I'm a lazy bum I can't help it!

Multi-Tasking

Why do we all feel the need to do a million things at once? I know I do it all the time but really it isn't efficient at all. For example right now I'm having an IM, conversation a real life conversation, editing a photo and watching something on youtube. Is this really how normal peopel do things or just us? By us I mean my family earlier my Mum and I were cooking dinner, chopping apples, baking a cake and bitching about the day.

I really wonder if normal people do this or if it's just a my family thing.

Cute things

Yeah I'm writing this at 11:58pm so I'm still technically on track with BEDN. I can't help that I worked 3-11p today!


I have a list of cute things that cheer me up and I want to share some of them with you!



That's Bradley James and he's adorable. He's Arthur in the BBC's Merlin series. Adorable. Makes me happy to look at him. I hope he makes you happy too.




That's a highland cow covered in snow with it's tongue out. Not only does this cow regularly have emo hair it has it's tongue out and there's snow! I don't think it get cuter than this.


This is the glorious pooduck! It's been a driving force of adorable in my life. Part poodle part duck this little guy was pointed out to me via http://www.disturbingauctions.com/view.php?item=21 I really, really want a pooduck for christmas!


So those are a few things I find adorable that cheer me up. <3

Kabuki brush

I'm in love with my kabuki brush. In case you didn't know the kabuki brush is a makeup brush that is really great for putting on powder for all over face coverage. Who knew I knew this much about makeup brushes?

Oh that's right my new obsession is makeup! I stopped buying snacks and food because hello that's why I'm fat. Feel sad buy chocolate but now I've gone into feel sad buy makeup! It's more expensive but it's less calories. On the bright side I can officially put on cream eyeliner now and have no problem using an eyelash curler. I no longer fear blue eyeshadow (in moderation)! The only problem is I still haven't mastered lipstick. I chew my lips and it just doesn't work for me. I can barely make lip gloss happen. It's mostly just chapstick in my life. Sadly I have pale lips so this sucks like woah. I kinda want nothing more than to pull off the classic RED lipstick look. Alas I think I'll be working on this for some time.

Back tot he kabuki brush.... I'm addicted to the feel of it on my skin! I love putting powder on my face with it. I love it so much I've washed my face before bed come out and put the powder on and then gone to bed only to wake up with clogged pores forgetting to wash again! I just like to touch it.

Yes, I am a weirdo.

Nov/BEDN & Sad songs.

So back in April I did BEDA. Since it's NaNoWriMo and I have no intention of ever writing a novel I thought I'd bring back the BEDA philosophy and blog everyday of Nov. from here on out. Ambitious considering I can't really say to much about work anymore and the rest of my life is sad and boring.


So for today I guess I'll talk about some music. There are some songs out there that just make me cry. Sometimes I can't put my finger on it other times it's obviously words or melody and other times it's the connection to something else.

Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven If you've seen Mr. Holland's Opus you may remember the scene where he plays it for his class talking about how Beethoven was deaf after just finding out his son was deaf. Seriously breaks my heart.

Goodnight - Liz Calloway This one is words + performance that makes me sob. Here is a tid bit of the lyrics...

A world without the pain
That's stuck with you for far too long
A world that does contain
A love like mine to watch you grow strong

And when my time arrives
Please wait and make a place for me
For when I do arrive
Your face should be the first face I see

Dry away the tears
Lay aside your fears
No more pain for my love
You have now gone to sleep

Roses Theme- Murry Gold Yes, from the Doctor Who soundtrack because I'm lame. I just think of her standing on that beach crushed when this song plays. Ugh... seriously if you ever see the scene it will stay with you when you hear the theme.

I Can Only Imagine - Mercy Me Once again lame but I can't help it! Sometimes I just get in that place where I know I need the perspective of a song like this and it helps humble me and question what I would do in heaven in the presence of God.

Those You've Known - Spring Awakening Cast I won't spoil the show but this is the final song before bows.

Now they’ll walk on my arm through the distant night
And I won’t let them stray from my heart
Through the wind, through the dark, through the winter light
I will read all their dreams to the stars



I'm sure there are others out there but that's my short list. I actually like to have a good dry sometimes so if you have any awesome songs that make you cry I want to know!

Choices

Go to Malawi or Go back to Scotland.

Back to Scotland Pro's.
-I love it there.
-I know some basics about how to travel there.
-I can understand the accents.
-I have friends there.
-It's Beautiful
-I plan on visiting new parts of the country.
-I like shopping there.
-It's relaxing to me.

Malawi Pro's
-I've never been to Africa
-It's a mission trip
-How many people from Ohio really visit Malawi
-I'd only have to pay for 2/3rds of it.
-GIRAFFE'S
-I'd have a true social prospective on a new part of the world.

I think it's only a choice because I'm afraid to go to Malawi. Scotland is comfortable now so I'm content to keep going back because I know it. I don't know Malawi at all other than Madonna adopted a baby from there and had all kinds of issues with it. It's just scary to change things.

People hate.

I know I will eventually get around to posting about vacation but I'm lazy and have to EDIT my pics. For now if you know me feel free to see them on facebook.

Currently I'm pretty pissed off at a few people. Mostly people who said they were coming to my best friends BFF dinner that I made gift bags for and reservations for but seriously 1 hour after I made the reservation suddenly no one was coming but the bride and I. The one person seriously said "I don't know how to get there." yeah she didn't know how to get to the restaurant that shares a paking lot with the most popular mall in 100 miles. I hate it when people lie and don't even put in any effort.

Now I'm uber pissed off an have to pack up the bags I spent money on for no one to come and have. It looks like everyone gets more tha one of everything. Lucky them.

Lists!

1. I sprained my wrist at work. I fell on an OILED floor because the maintenance guy is a moron. I was wearing sneakers... sneakers on a wood floor. Seriously shouldn't have slipped if it weren't for the oil.

2. There's a lovely ugly purple spot huge bruise on my wrist.

3. It's really hard to type with a wrist brace on.

4. I'm rewatching Skins series 1 and I adore it forever and always.

5. I leave for Scotland in 13 days!

Haircuts

I love going to get my hair done. Seriously it feels freaking amazing when I walk out with a great hair cut. Seriously it's a feeling you can't beat. Lately as in for the past 8 months I haven't gotten a great hair cut. I had a gift certificate to a high end salon but they turned my hair an awful shade of purple/red. Then I had disastrous layers from a place I had been going to since I was a kid. Then the same place when asked for 'red highlights' gave me blond streaks. Not just blond but bleach blond. It was just bad. I waited two months and couldn't stand to look at the nasty blond anymore. I went to a new place, got an awesome cut and the best red color ever. Seriously the stylist (who's name is Kim) did an awesome job. She was willing to advise me on what would look good and what wouldn't and was just all around nice. Seriously why is it so hard to find a good stylist? ... Maybe because I live in the middle of nowhere in a place where a mullet is still acceptable.


random: Loving Hell's Kitchen! which I'm watching while I typed this.

thing n stuff n yeah...

1. I have booked my vacation to Scotland! I will be in Glasgow for 2 days and Edinburgh for 3 days. My goal is to see 4-6 shows at the Fringe and hit the Doctor Who exhibit in Glasgow. I'm strongly considering a haunted tour of the vaults in Edinburgh but I'm afraid I'll get to freaked out because I have no one to cling to! I'm going alone as in all by myself on this trip so getting the bejesus freaked out of me and then having to walk back to my hostel sounds like a bad idea. But then again it could be completely awesomely fun.

2. I feel really gross when I don't eat veggies. I've really only noticed since I've been working on improving my diet and I found that veggies make me feel better. Who knew?!? I've been at my parents house for the weekend and there really hasn't been a veggie in sight unless you count the pasta sauce we had last night. It's a big realization when I see exactly how I got to be the way I am based upon what a better diet looks like. Not total blame for my parents but you know they didn't help me much.

3. I feel really bad for Robert Pattinson. Really, really bad actually. I know he's all famous and rich and doesn't need people to feel bad for him. I know everyone says the 'celebrity' part of it comes with the profession but it's been a bit ridiculous lately and the poor guy needs so space. If I were him I'd have done something completely batshit crazy by now. Like cut a bitch.

4. there really isn't much for a 4. Maybe you should go watch Dorm Life because it's awesomely amazing and probly something you'll love.

Iran you're bringing me down.

Dear Ayatollah Khamenei,

It's when you do things like this that I wonder if you care about your people. You're the 'supreme leader' of a guardian council, commander of the military and former president I really would like to believe you're looking out for your people but when you do things like this it's just obvious you aren't. You've said in public you agree with crazy pants Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on most things (at least you currently don't want Iran to go Nuclear but that could change tomorrow. Let your people protest. When this many people feel their voice hasn't been heard having the right to gather to make sure you're heard is necessary. If you're so big into Islam (as you claim to me Mr. Supreme Leader Cleric) give your people a fair election one with all the right monitors in place and one where every vote gets counted. If you need some help ask Al Gore, he knows all about how every vote counts... or at least how every vote should count.

It would also be a good idea if you let the forign press cover these rallies. Maybe you wouldn't feel pressure from countries like Great Britain if we could see the rallies. We follow the trending iran election topics on twitter but there's no one telling us your peoples side.

LET YOUR PEOPLE HAVE A VOICE.

Sincearely,

A concerned American Girl with a soap box.

Procrastination & Vacation

Procrastination I love you. I slept in till noon for the first time in oh... a month maybe? It's been awhile with work and life and family I usually never get to sleep in. It felt amazing and I need to have that happen more often.

When I woke up I told myself I'd be heading out at 1pm to do all my errands. Obviously this didn't happen. It's now 1:40p and I haven't made any attempt to get done any of the pre-errand things I need to do so I pushed the time back to 3pm. That's plenty of time to hit the bank, the post office and the craft store before they all close right? I think so I doubt it'll take more than 10 mins at the back even if I have to do weird money transfer things. Or more than 20 at the post office to pack a flat rate box. Then I can mill about the craft store till I find what I'm looking for.

So the random money transfer thing is for my vacation in Aug. Yes, I'm actually going! I've been doing my best to talk myself out of it for the last few weeks but the flights are far to cheap for me to keep putting it off. For under $600 I can fly to Scotlant for the Fringe Festival again this year. That's right I'm going alone to an uber huge performance art festival. I'm going to love it so don't say I'm crazy for doing this by myself. I'll be going from the 19th - 24th so yay for mid week travel and low rates. I'm booking my flight pretty much as soon as I post this so maybe I should stop procrastinating right?

Right!

My Junk Is You

I got to go see Spring Awakening tonight! So if you have no idea what this is google it and you'll find an awesome new(ish) musical. Anyways, the show is and was amazing. You should go see it. The issues it covers are huge and so true for many young people. It covers the issues of doing poorly in school, being confused and uneducated about sex, masturbation, abuse, parents, teachers, life, death.... yeah lots of stuff.

So anyways it was amazing and I loved it and I got cast autographs because the cast was really awesome.

Sad thing of the night: the Penguins lost. :(

Soo...

So it's a bit like I had an awkward breakup with my blog. Things were all intense and we decided to take some time apart and now we're revisiting the idea of being together again. How sad is it that I just likened my blog to a relationship?


Anyways I just spent two days at a conference for work and it was lovely to meet people and get to know more about the company I'm about to hit 6 months with. I got go to with the awesome people from work not the really shit ones who are more than likely going to get fired soon because they made a HUGE error that could have killed someone. But I can't say more because I don't want to get in trouble.

So yeah things still kind of suck but they're getting better on the work front. I really don't have much else to report. I made a video finally and it should be down in the video bar so check that out if you want.

Change in the air

I don't like keeping secrets. Especially when they tend to be the kind that hurt my heart and I really just want to tell someone. Change is good but it's also hard and I don't know if I can do this again. I may have to keep this secret for awhile but at least it was told honestly and it may hurt but I know it's been done for all the right reasons.

BEDA:Thirty

hmmm... April was a shockingly hard month. Between my crazy work issues with the whole discrimination and wacky shifts I feel like I haven't done anything but sleep, work and blog. My bank account is thankful since it's bigger than... well ever at the moment ok so maybe not ever if you count HS Graduation money. April has just been complicated and dictated by work which is good because I like paying my bills but I'm not so much a fan of not doing anything other than work. All this is going to change in May though! We has our staff meeting of DOOM today and my schedule if freaking awesome. So awesome I fear for my life a bit but hey I kinda deserve it after the month I've had. So hello 9-5 Tues - Sat. Lovely!

In other May type things, everyday blogs are going away because I'm pretty sure they're boring but hey they'll still be around weekly like!

In other news I'm going to nap now because I have to work tonight.


random: my crazy neighbor (the "Preacher" no drag queen) is on the phone pacing outside my window. Weird. Now the old guy with the walker he ties her dog to to walk is grunting at his chair on his porch. Special as always.

BEDA: Twenty Nine

Sweet baby niblets I'm blogging about a day on the day well not really. I'm talking about last night. I got to babysit last night and as usual it was a blast! I babysit for 9 year old boy with fragile x he's beyond awesome and I love playing games and having fun.

Now comes the time where i gush about my love of Nick shows. I love Drake & Josh and iCarly. I don't care what people think I love. They make me laugh like the 8 year old I am on the inside. I'm not even kidding when I tell you Carly's older brother Spencer would be in my top 10 dream fictional husbands. I wish I was kidding. As for Drake and Josh I have no excuse other than they amuse me. I really do enjoy the shows.

I think my favorite part of yesterday was rocking out dancing around the living room with Jeremy to the iCarly theme. It sounds stupid but it's the little things in life that are so much fun.

BEDA:Twenty Seven

I hate people on tv and in movies who give me unreal expectations of how my hair should look. I was watching Gossip Girl (no mocking please I like all the pretty boys and clothes!) and my hair is longer than the majority of the characters now and it still looks like I'm constantly in a real wind tunnel not a sexy breeze tunnel that makes your hair look perfect tunnel. I've been putting up with purse straps on my hair, random people touching it, getting all kinds of still from cake batter to pickle juice in the ends when they just fall into stuff (not at work I pull it back when I cook at work!) and it's still not great hair. I can't even make it all stay in a side ponytail and people with a bob can make that style work for them!

I think I can take my unreal hair expectations back to Disney. I mean come on how could the Ariel have perfect hair UNDER WATER!?!?! Don't even get me started on everyone having perfect eyelashes in cartoons either. I'm pretty sure they didn't have lengthening and curling mascara in ancient Greece, a fairytale forest or African jungle (yeah that's right NALA I'm calling you out you mascara wearing Lion.)

I say all this now because the weather is starting to get warm. My hair will now become even more of a pain in the ass as it hangs over my neck and face becoming a giant head warmer that attracts the heat of the sun to its dark color. I know I'll be wishing I could cut it off everyday form now till Oct. The problem is if I cut it now I know I would cry about it later.

Ugh. Hair Trauma.

BEDA:Twenty Six

I know I'm a day behind but it's because 3-11p only leaves me an hour to post on the same day and I spend 40 of those mins. driving back home.

Sunday was fine. I went to church, my cousin was filling in for the pastor and talked about the Punisher vs. Batman. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who got it but that's ok he's 2 months younger than I am and in general the rest of the church is on average 75+.

lol the breeze ruffling the drapes on my windows is freaking the dog out making him bark. Poor little guy is shaking but it still makes me laugh.

Anyways after church I had work church. Book attempted to run away into traffic again and I was tempted to let her go but I didn't and she made me a picture so I guess it was an ok deal. I had to explain the concept of the holy ghost to Natalie who is adorable but the concept of 'a part of God living inside her' kind of freaked her out a little. I hope I didn't give her nightmares or something.

There was a nap in here and then I went to work. Our resident who went to the hospital was admitted and has some tiny blood clots so he's going to be there for a few day. It sucks for him but the house is finally going to stop smelling like pee because he'll be away for awhile. So lots of being nights for me coming up at work. The best news is though my boss told me I'm going to be on Day turn or 9-5 all of may! That's going to be beyond awesome.

BEDA:Twenty Five

To much work happened yesterday night for me to post. 3-11 isn't goof got blogging at least not for me when i don't get home till past midnight and need to get up for church the next morning. I'm skipping hair drying for this. So we had a resident go to the hospital last night. it was at ten till six and he hadn't gotten back when I left at 11:15p so I guess the ER was busy. Especially busy for him since he wasn't in serious danger of bleeding out or something. I hope he's back when I go in tonight.

In the mean time I'm off to church and to spend time with the demon children of the church I watch the kids at. Yes, I go to my own church then the church I work for. I know I'm pretty lame and yes, I would like to sleep in on sunday every now and then.

Peace peeps.

BEDA:Twenty Four

Yes, I know today is the 25h... I had to much wine last night.

BEDA: Twenty three

Ah yes wine and a blog. Sounds like a good way to end this bizarre day I've had.

5:44a My neighbor called me to 'say hi'. I didn't have to go to work till 3pm needless to saying 'hi' wasn't exactly what I wanted to do.

1:30p I'm getting ready for work and my neighbor frantically calls me from Dollar General demanding I bring his twice ex-wife there to help sort out this refund he needs to get. He's all screamy and I was so not a fan. Did I mention I was getting ready for work?

3:00p I walk in to work and things are immediately strange. I don't know what just yet but things are for sure off.

3:30p I'm informed people have been peeing and pouring bleach in my house plants I brought to work. That's right peeing and pouring bleach in the house plants that sit in the dining room of the mental health facility where I work. These people have been exposing all residents and employees to bio and chemical hazards for some stupid reason I don't understand. Did I do anything to them? No. I stood up for my rights as a human to be treated as such and now they're doing this. It's just sick.

6:00p My boss turns up and confirms the situation. I can't get rid of the plants because they're 'evidence' so they have to stay sitting in the window in the dining room till the whole thing is resolved.

11:00p I call my Mom and she thinks I should quit. I don't even know what to think anymore. It all just makes me laugh because it's so ridicules.

12:00a I sit down with some wine to write my blog. It's been a weird day.

BEDA:Twenty Two

I just got up from an amazing nap and have that post nap warm and fuzzy feeling. It's lovely and I don't want it to end even if I know it will and soon since it's really cold in my apartment. It's actually colder in here than it is outside. Why? Who knows but it is and I really don't want to turn my heat on. Spring is the time my bills should be going down because I'm not using my heat!

I've been watching Buffy a lot lately... because it's free on hulu and I don't want to buy the box sets because they're expensive and I still manage to be poor. I forgot how cute Buffy's hair was when she comes back from LA in series 2. I miss cute shoulder length hair not that I could ever pull off shoulder length hair. Although her sweater sets I don't miss so much 1997 wasn't really a great your for fashion. David Boreanaz is still really hot but I kinda forgot how hot his baby faced Angel was. I'm pretty sure he was broody before broody was a word. I think he beats Edward Cullen x10 on a broody scale.

Yeah, pretty boring today. Maybe tomorrow will be more interesting.

BEDA:Twenty One

I get really jealous of those who have poetic skills and music ability that can translate into writing their own songs. Sure I can play a crap ton of instruments but none of them are useful when it comes to writing music. I got a piano for my 13th (?) birthday and never did anything with it! I'm such a moron. What makes this harder is that I don't have any musical friend either. I don't have a single friend who plays piano or guitar to a level where they could teach me in exchange for food. (Yes, food. I like to cook!) So the long and the short of this is I think I might take some lessons of some kind on I think the guitar once I move and get settled again. Lessons cost money though and I'm trying not to spend money because I want to go on vacation in Aug. More on my vacation plans tomorrow though. For now I have to pack up my stuff and head to my apartment because I have some Doctor Who to watch. <33333 Series 4 where Donna brings the awesome. That's right I love Donna the most.

Yeah, worst blog ever but I don't care because... well because I want to be watching Doctor Who more than blogging.

BEDA:Twenty

Lets get political peeps. I know run away screaming Kelly's about to get in her soap box about something but this is really starting to piss me off. Every time I read something about teen pregnancy rates I get angry because I honestly believe the lack of education has done a huge disservice to the young people of this country.

I didn't know much about anything other than the pill and condoms till I took my Human Sexuality class in college. We were told the best way not to get pregnant is to not have sex. Sure this is extremely true but lets be honest here the advice of Mrs. Hilton who would send you to look for her glasses when they were sitting on top of her head is not often heeded by young adults. What is even more scary to me than my health teachers bug eyes is the concept of 'magical thinking' when it comes to protecting against STD's and pregnancy.

Magical thinking is nonscientific causal reasoning that often includes such ideas as the ability of the mind to affect the physical world, correlation mistaken for causation. When applied to th use of contraceptives: I didn't use a condom last time and I didn't get pregnant so I don't have to use one every time because that's how it worked before.

What makes this extra scary to me is that this idea is not just something teens are believing. This idea is extremely prevalent in 18-29 year olds. In my mind these are people who are old enough to know better. Don't believe me? read the report [PDF]. If you aren't much of a scientific report person the key findings are on page 1 (the actual 3rd page in the PDF and page 4 (page 6 in the PDF) is where the survey starts.

Test yourself and see what you believe and know!

BEDA:Nineteen

Ok sot his was blank when I posted it WTF?


So here's the deal hockey fates. I promise I am not watching the Pittsburgh/Philly game. I'm not watching because I know you don't appreciate it when I do watch. For some reason that I can not understand you refuse to let the Pens win when I watch. It's playoff time and I can't risk it. I swear I only watched about 5 mins and I'm no where near the tv to watch now so it's ok if they make a come back ok? OK?


Right now that I'm done pleading with the hockey fates I can tell you about the rest of my day ... yeah not much else to say. I came home from work slept for an hour went to watch the kids at church we attempted to watch Bolt but evil Brooke (ie: evil baby orphanage Brooke) kept trying to fast forward to where she left off in the movie and attempted to bite me when I took the remote. The other kids cheered when I got the remote away from her. Thankfully I am still teeth mark free as well. I really didn't want to have to get any shots because she got her chompers on me.

I work my last night turn for awhile tonight. YAy! I have two days off so I'm sure I'll be sleeping the first one and then being as normal as I can for the second. I'm excited to see that that 'normal' brings.

BEDA:Eighteen

Why is it that when a really great music thing rolls into the area (by area I mean up to three hours away)I have to work the next morning and have no one to go with because it's on a tuesday night?

Neko Case is going to be in Cleveland and I want to go. Better yet it's $5 since I'm on the venue's mailing list. WHY MUST THE FORCES BE AGAINST ME WHEN IT COMES TO ALL THINGS AWESOME!?!?!?!?!

Stupid dark orbs.

Dark Orbs - Once upon a time I visited a psychic (I totally typed psycho first) right before we started college. The psychic told me I have dark orbs in my life. The she attempted to sell me a crystal to get rid of them. I did not buy said crystal and now when something annoying happens I blame the orbs.

In other news I am going back to sleep because I have to go to work tonight. Sleeping thought e pounding of tin is going to be fun. I love it when my Mother crafts and insists I come have dinner with them before work.

BEDA:Seventeen

Quote of the night/week: "I hope no Doctors are coming her tonight with an attitude about my genitals."

How to react when a for serious crazy person (because what normal one would?) say this to you:

1. Do not laugh. It's tempting to see this as a joke when a large old man is saying this to you from an arm chair across the room completely out of the blue but do not laugh.

2. Promise no one is coming for his genitals. I would say this one is fairly obvious because if someone who happened to be a Doctor was coming it wouldn't be in the middle of the night and the only attitude they would have would be one of concern for his lack of showering and the over use of the big ol' bottle of lotion by his bed.

3. Go back to what you were doing and keep trying not to laugh. For me this was watching Bones. Thankfully it was a corpse so I was grossed out not amused by a social faux pau one of the eccentrically brainy characters had made.

And that friends is a lesson on how to field random questions from crazytown.


In more my real life related news I managed to sleep six and a half hours today! This sounds stupid but it's hard for me to sleep in the daytime so a solid block of sleep like this is a true triumph. I had dreams about Bones because that's what I'm watching at work this week. I also made shrimp friend rice today which sounds weird because I just got up but I was really hungry! No worries I'll have cereal at work for dinner to make up for the weird breakfast.

I really love the green goodness bathhouse smoothies not just because they're tasty and a good source of veggies/fruits for the days I don't eat a ton of that but because it grosses out everyone at work. They don't eat green things or anything that isn't meat or a carb. They had meatloaf last night and the one lady sat and picked out the onions and sun dried tomatoes that were in it. Mind you this is a staff person not a resident her quote 'she just doesn't eat those kinds of things' the nurse has been a bit critical of her diet because we really do set a food example for the residents. If we don't eat it a lot of the time they won't and then it'll be a row of turkey sandwiches for dinner instead of the really nice meat loaf.

Sorry all the food talk lately. I have a sad life that centers on work, sleep and food this week.

BEDA:Sixteen

I slept all day therefore I have nothing to talk about. WRONG!

I actually had a really good idea in the car on the way home from work this morning but I forget what it was now. I really hate it when it happens. I need to get one of those little memory saver key chains that you can leave yourself messages on. I think it would be better than writing on stuff around my desk/where I happen to be or writing it on myself. Writing on stuff around my desk wasn't such a bad idea till I put my cup of sharpies on my desk. So now that I have the sharpies they're what I go to to write with (because they're pretty and smell... like sharpies which is good). You just can't wash it off to easy this is fine when I write on the tissue box that will get thrown out or on my diet coke I'm drinking not so fine when I write on my printer or actual desk I think have to scrub things which makes me annoyed. Writing on other stuff around me. This is usually ok because I make it a point not to have sharpies in my pocket. I know my boss wouldn't be pleased if I write on the counter at work in sharpie when we have a post-it stack right there. I will however write on the stupid insert cards from magazines, or the back of the glove boxes. I also write on my hands and arms a lot. This is a bad idea because I wash my hands more than a normal person so whatever I wrote there is not staying long.

Random: I just turned on TV and there's for real a show called 'The Cougar' as in a dating show with an older woman wanting younger guys. Do I have a problem with this? No by all means go to town older ladies I hope you find love. I don't appreciate you dipping into my pool of men though because I'm 24 and your smooth botoxed skin and ability to aford a personal trainer from your last divorce puts me at a disadvantage. I also don't completely understand why you would want a guy who is a lot younger than yourself due to a maturity gap. The priorities of a 22 year old guy and a 38 year old woman are different. ok, ok enough I'm going to hop off this train of thought and change the channel before I get to annoyed. I do have to say if people were walking around calling me 'The Cougar' I would be annoyed. She has a name people!

Wow that was a rant.

BEDA:Fifteen

I woke up with no voice this morning. Well I couldn't breathe much either both of which were annoying more than likely connected to my icky gross sickness.

Today I haven't done much other than hang out and watch Bones. I downloaded Caprica the pilot for the new BSG-verse show that's going to be on Sci-fi this fall... well they say it is but the life of scripted shows for tv is a complicated thing and it could be canned before then.

This blog has now been interrupted by dinner which is baby Brussels sprouts and chicken sausage. Good stuff people, good stuff.

I have a love/hate relationship with single serving packs of food. I'm stupid as to what a normal portion size is because I'm a.)American and b.) spaghetti with cheese with a meal to my family growing up. So anyways the portion of food is a bit confusing to me because pasta should be a side dish and I can't comprehend this with pasta or most other carbs. So single serving foods help me out a lot to keep meals balanced and such. What I hate about these single surving packed foods is the amount of packing involved. These single packs usually come in a huge box wrapped in their own plastic as well as plastic inside the box or in little plastic trays that you can't really recycle. So yes, my better relationship with food is contributiong to killing the enviornment.

So I work tonight which will be special because I don't care for the night shift. I'm taking my kleenex anti-viral in hopes of not passing my germs on.

Now I'm off to actually wat the rest of Tom Milsom's blogtv show.

BEDA:Fourteen

I think I'm dying. Not really but I haven't been sick since Oct. so it's been awhile since I've felt this poopy and it seems worse than death because in death I doubt your nose drips semi-liquids. That was gross. Sorry.

So anyways I'm sick and it's my day off so I'm laying around enjoying my bed and the wireless at my parents house because I am a.)to sick to do anything else. b.) to lazy to do anything else and c.) all my old tissues are in a plastic bag under my pillow and if I do move the dog will get them and make a huge mess. (he has a passion for used tissues like none other).

On the upside I have nonapreils aka fancy snow caps from easter and am enjoying those. I'm also catching up on Bones. Why wasn't I watching this show before? Oh right I never watch the American Idol channel because I even hate American Idol commercials.

Things I still need to do today:
-get dressed not in pj's but clothes i can go out in.
-pack up my stuff
-get some groceries
-return to my apartment
-take the trash out
-call about new apartments to move to. (tomorrow)

eh. I'll be up and going by 3:30 I'll give myself 45 mins. Procrastination FTW!

BEDA:Thirteen

I can't do this with one Album so I'm going to use my whole library.

Are you male or female:
Suffragette - Nina Gordon
Describe yourself:
Good Enough - Evanescence
How do you feel about yourself?:
I Can Do Better Than That - The Last 5 Years
Describe where you currently live:
Wild World - Cat Stevens
If you could go anywhere, where would you go?:
Holiday From Real - Jack's Mannequin
Your favourite form of transportation:
Get on Your Feet - Gloria Estefan
Your best friend is:
Falling Slowly - Once Movie (Most likely going to be the song for her wedding)
Your favorite colour is:
Blue Tulip - Okkervil River
What's the weather like?:
Asleep on a Sumbeam - Belle & Sebastian
Favorite time of day:
I'll Be Here When You Wake - The Reindeer Section
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?:
I Need a Life - The Born Ruffins
What is life to you?:
A Comet Appears - The Shins (For the lyrics not so much the title)
What is the best advice you have to give?:
Don't Lose Yourself - Laura Veirs & Saltbreakers
If you could change your name, what would it be?:
Emily - Stephen Fretwell (We had over 5 Emily's in my graduating class)
Your favorite food is:
Warm Panda Cola - The Boy Least Likely To
Thought for the Day:
Meddle - Little Boots (lyrics more than title again)
How would you like to die?:
Better In Time - Leona Lewis (aka: Of old age)
Your soul's present condition:
I'm Still Hurting - The Last 5 Years
The faults you can bear:
The Fear - Lily Allen
Your motto:
I Believe - Spring Awakening

BEDA:Twelve

Happy Easter everyone! I say Easter because that's what I celebrate. However this is going to be short because I need to leave for work in 10 mins. If I had interwebz at work I would do this there but alas I do not. So... yes short entry in a list FTW.

-Church, baby cuz Carson stole the show being cute. Sorry jesus you need a newsie had and suspenders to out cute this baby.
-Work church... 12 kids with candy 1 me. It was like thunder dome.
-Family coming over for eats. They started talking about 'culture' which turned into 'why are black people still mad about slavery then to irish people having the right to be mad for having work work for low wages and then to how much they had mexicans. So yeah.... special family time was indeed special.
-The sleep because I'm going to work.

which I'm leave for now. Bye!

BEDA: Eleven

BEDA:Ten

Last night we had our Seder at church. It was really fantastic and went a lot better this year including bringing in a full house from some of the other local churches. The symbolic meal worked great and everyone enjoyed the traditional real food. Seriously the lamb was amazing and so was the brisket and the chicken soup with matzoh balls.

So if you have no idea what I'm talking about here's a link that better explains the Christian Seder http://www.cresourcei.org/seder.html because I will fail at explaining it. Basically it's a traditional Passover Seder which takes the hidden unleavened bread and a fourth cup of wine that is the Eucharist.

In less religious news we're celebrating my Mom's birthday tonight so we're having chinese and an ice cream cake. which sounds amazingly good right now... and will no doubt be amazing later.

BEDA:Nine

I work 7a-3p yesterday came home... ok went shopping first got my Mom's birthday stuff and a dress for Easter then came home. I had some food and then got a call asking me to come back into work for 11p-7a.

The night shift is something I talk about a lot because it's so weird. It's sitting around for 8 hours ding some cleaning and making sure no ones dies. It's like daylight shift but dark and quiet meaning your mind plays tricks. I had the biggest freak out at 5:30am when I heard footsteps upstairs. The whole upstairs of the building is a construction site as they finish so we can move up there so at 5:30 am I as a normal person don't think anyone should be up there but I can totally hear people moving around. We don't have any weapons or anything for obvious reasons so I had to go up there and check to find three of the construction guys clomping around. WTF what construction crew starts at 5:30am? I know they're on a deadline but really that's early. by 6:30a they were cutting tile like there weren't people trying to sleep downstairs. It was just strange.


In more random kind of stuff I totally saw a coyote on my way home. I thought my Dad was trying to keep us from playing in the woods as kids but I really did have one cross in front of my car today. It makes me wonder what else he's been right about. Is 'Big Brother' really watching? *shifty eyes*

BEDA: Eight

This is going to be short because I have to go sleep... because I'm going back to work tonight. I was called out and as much as it sucks I'm the only person who can come in. What makes this really bad is that the lady who said and did all this stuff... yeah I just did a shift change with her (after her HR meeting) and I'll have to do a second one when I go back in. Uggggh. I keep rubbing my face all stressed out but really it's making my skin even worse than usual. This is the worst blog ever isn't it? Yeah. I thought so.

BEDA:Seven

My head is going to explode. I think it has to do with being short shifted on sleep, stress and being exposed to two contagious people today. All of this amounts to the most painful headache I've ever had in my life. I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to headaches because I don't or have ever had migraines (or maybe I did but my Mom always said suck it up and deal. Hence why I was walking around on torn tendons in my foot for two weeks before seeing a doctor.) so I apparently 'don't know' what they feel like or so I'm told.

Germs/things I've been exposed to today:
-general daily grossness involved in washing pee sheets.
- eye gook from a residents
-a resident sneeze to the face.
-strep throat because a co-worker came in without antibiotics yet.
-stomach flu of the kid I baby sit for.

Yeah, I'm going to have a disease/illness in the near future

BEDA:Six

I hate having an over abundance of emotion. It's ridicules when commercials make me cry and I get all girly because stress has far to large of a place in my life and I can't cry when I really want to. it's bad but I can't even find the worlds to write about it because I've been keeping a lot locked up for so long. It's easier to deal with life when you keep a part of yourself locked away and to be honest now is not the time for that wall to be breaking down if it could just wait two weeks I'd be happy to let the crocodile tears flow.

I went to Akron to visit my best friend yesterday. It was nice we had pizza (till I made myself sick with it) and watch Skins and Doctor Who. Sadly no new skins till next year and only the specials for Doctor Who this year. Bright side is the next special comes out for Easter. Though I will say I miss the emotional connection the regular companions bring to the mix.

Random: The two cats my parents have are funny. The little old one (lady) bosses around the big younger fluffy one (Mod). Mod was laying on the pillow just infront of me and Lady strolled up and wacked Mod over the head till she moved giving up the pillow.

Song of the Moment: Lullabay - Dixie Chicks
I'm not a country fan but some of the Dixie Chicks stuff doesn't count because it's special and I say so.

BEDA:Five

I really like kids. With that said there is one kid who I hate more than all the rest. Her name is Brooke and she's an evil fourth grader.

Examples of her evil:
-When a two year old asked how Alvin and the Chipmonks ended she told him they were eaten by Dave.
-She stole and Nintendo DS from a four year old and refused to give it back even though it was his and he was crying.
-She told the little kids Simba got what he deserved when his Dad died and that he should throw himself off a cliff too.
-She bites people.
-She locked herself in the closet on purpose to attempt to get me in trouble.
-She ran away back to her house in the middle of church after kicking her Dad in the knee so he couldn't chase her.
-She hit her brother with a baseball bat intending to hurt him.

My theory is either she's going to grow up to be a serial killer or her little brother is from suffering years of abuse under her. Poor Austin (her little brother) is the sweetest thing too. He likes to color and makes things and it's even more adorable because he's color blind and has a slight speech issue so he'll ask you if things are 'gween' all the time. Seriously adorable little boy with an evil big sister.

I think the world really would be a better place if Brooke went to the evil baby orphanage.

BEDA: Four

When you think of workplace discrimination you don't exactly think of yourself or at least I didn't. I've always been used to people being overly critical of me due to my weight, my quiet nature and my lack of desire to spill my secrets ect via the phone or in person. In short I know I tend to make people uncomfortable.

I honestly didn't think people could react like this. it wasn't till it was pointed out to me that I was being discriminated against and intimidated by my co-workers that I understood it. I shouldn't be intimidated because I'm young, unmarried, don't have children or am over weight and it shouldn't be a way to undermine my authority with our clients which has already been done. None of these are reasons for people to feel I'm a threat in any way but apparently people do and that's sad.

I think my shock to the situation stems from having a drama free life while in school. I picked my friends well and had few incidents of teasing. Sure it happened every now and then and it hurt just like it did for everyone else but you learn to be like a duck and let the water roll off your back having that slightly hardened outer layer that protects you. This is why I give so little of my personal self to people I don't trust. This is pretty unfortunate because I'm a funny, happy, good friend to those I let in and the rest of the world I let go on thinking I'm boring and shy. Sadly they're missing out because I'm awesome.

So now I have this huge case pending with HR at the company I work for that will no doubt be awful to deal with on our crew of five employees. With so few people it's easy to find out who did what and when. I wish I didn't have to do this but the reality is if I don't take a stand my self worth will take a hit as well as letting this person get away with it and letting them think it's ok to do to others. It isn't and I'm taking a stand.

BEDA:Three

In case you missed it I love Battlestar Galactica and I have yet to say anything about it ending. I'm pretty gutted that what I consider the best drama on television is gone. Sure I was satisfied with the ending and it was a great show for the five years it's been on. So here I am advocating for people to watch BSG even though it's over.

You should watch Battlestar if:

1. You liked the West Wing
2. You like aviation
3. Space is appealing to you
4. You have interest in Political Issues.
5. Military Drama's are your thing.
6. Family dynamics are something you find interesting.
7. You like hot guys and gals.
8. The bending and breaking of defined gender roles is something you love.
9. You dig sexy robots
10. You're sick of people talking about how awesome it is.
11. You want to know where the best fake swear ever came from.
12. You want to get some of the inside joke in Chuck and Big Bang Theory
13. You want to see some of the Dollhouse cast before they met Whedon (or before they came back to Whedon).
14. You are sick of really bad scifi.
15. You want to see quality acting on tv.


So there you go 15 reasons you should watch.

BEDA:Two

I'm not a Doctor. I'm not a nurse. I'm not even a CNA. People seem to think because I have a basic amount of health knowledge and am certified to pass medications including anti-psychotics and every class of drugs I know everything these is to know about their health issues. I can't look at your rash and tell you if it's fungal or not. This is why people need to go to the Doctor not just for their own health but to help people like me!

In other news I slept in far to long today and am really confused about where my time went. I do not like it but I like my sleep to much to change it. I really do like staying up late with my own agenda and not at work. I think 3p-11p is the best shift for me right now.

BEDA:One

BADA 'blog everyday in April'. I'm going to try this and see how much I fail. I'm seeing fail by day 8 if not sooner.


So today I took my neighbor to see his Parole Officer. His car is working but this treatment he's on is making him hallucinate. Yeah that's fun I already have to tell people there aren't invisible dogs or other men in the room at work and the CIA isn't on the phone but dealing with it when I come isn't what I want. No the elephants in the yard aren't real and there aren't horses in your apartment.

I've been working on distancing myself from him anyways because I plan on moving soon... like real soon like if I found a place in the next week I'd be in there. Sadly it would be less money to buy a freaking house than to rent a one bedroom place. That's extremely frustrating.

So I think that's today so far.

NYC

So I went to New York yesterday. It was just for a day for my sister to visit a grad school. It was a nice change though. This has been the longest I've remained in the Oh/PA/WV Ohio Valley area and I really needed a break. I was starting to develop the really awful grammar/accent of my birthplace which makes me want to die so instead of dying it's better to take a break and leave the area.

When I go places with my sister there's always an interesting reaction. We look... a lot alike. I don't think we look like twins but outside of people who know us it seems to be the general assumption. There's a lot of people who ask 'are you two twins?'. I don't think it helps that when we're together there's often lively discussion that's hard to understand if you don't know our language quirks, body language and inside jokes well. We could be talking about zebra's to the normal ear but really it's something having to do with church. It's complicated. Don't write it off as being a 'twin language' because it's not and we aren't twins by a long stretch because my Mom's a twin and it's really unusual for a twin to have twins... and I'm two (almost three) years older.

While in NYC we did manage to make a stop at Lush and had some really great food. I love having great food. Hummus on lovely bread is always better when in a quaint cafe with all kinds of people and languages buzzing around you. Never does a red velvet cupcake taste so good as when it's from a special bakery recommended by a friend. Ugh. I love good food!

Sadly I'm back to 'normal' now and am leaving for work in a bit. Work people still kind of suck but I like my job so they aren't going to run me off.

Bitchy people make me whant to punch things... like their faces

It sucks but I hate working with most people who are over 35. They seem to have it in their heads that because they have a family they should take priority in everything when it comes to everything. Guess what folks I'm the one with the schooling so I win. You can't change my days off so you can have three days especially when the schedule you're trying to change in the one we're currently working. I hope you know if you do get your way and my schedule changes you'll be paying me $300 for the flight and room I've booked in NYC to go look at a Grad school with my sister. You may have kids but I have family too and they're important if you like it or not.

This is to the point where I hate walking into work because I over lap shifts by 15 mins with these people. They're the most painful 15 mins of my whole day and it makes me sick thinking about it. I shouldn't have to defend my days off. If you don't like your talk to our boss don't just try to change it. I have sunday and monday off not even the normal weekend. I know you want to take my sunday too but I work two other jobs that day and I'm not giving them up because you're being childish get the other lady who's off friday and saturday to trade you for awhile. It's not like your kid in on a school schedule anyways. They don't miss you on the specific weekend because to them everyday is the weekend without school to tell them it isn't.

I hate being told I'm less important because I don't have a family of my own.

Current Status

I'm tired. I've worked 7pm-7am two days in a row. I had my 'day off' where I came home at 8am slept till 9:30am then went to watch the kids at church. They I slept another three hours before going to baby sit from 7pm-1am I finally got to sleep a normal amount last night but in the process I managed to sleep or work my two 'days off' away. I managed a 5 min conversation with my best friend and a lunch with my family. This isn't cool. The whole point of days off is the chance to de-stress and relax. Sure I could be doing that now but instead I'm thinking about what to make for dinner and what time I should go to bed in anticipation of the double 7am-11pm I'm working tomorrow. This isn't cool. Thankfully it should be done after tomorrows double and I'll be back to normal.

In other news, I'll be in New York on Monday! yes, only one day but it'll still be awesome!

Out of Hope... for now

Today was one of those days that work got to me. I work with adults who have mental illness. It's usually great days where it's fun and interesting. The last two days were intense. Strong delusions, trying to break delusions, people playing into delusions. Breaking a delusion isn't easy they're ingrained so deeply and with one of our residents reinforced by institutionalization since the age of 17. She's 61 years old now that's 44 years of pure failure to help her. She's someone with proper help she could have gotten better, she could have lived on her own and with the help of out patient therapy and medication have had a relatively normal life.

This woman thinks she has a husband, who was a fellow resident at the institution. She believes he's her Doctor and won't have any medical attention from anyone but him. He comes at night to do these medical appointments. She suffers from auditory and visual hallucinations. The auditory is hearing voices from her 'husband', others talking or God. Visual hallucinations range from seeing a dog in the house to the 'molecular foundations of all the world' and 'the writing on the wall' as in how rules appear in institutions. Illness is one thing but delusions created completely from living 'under care' makes me sick.

Today we were going to go to PetSmart and visit the animals (all of our residents love animals) but she physically could not go because the delusional writing she saw said she couldn't and that the world would end if she attempted to. Attempting to break these delusions is the hardest part. It's just sitting there and fighting for hours and days every time she brings up a delusion saying it's not real over and over and over again simply having hope that one day it'll sink in.

I'm out of hope today. I just hope I come up with a little by morning.

Things in my journal 2003

A list if camp memories.
- Playing in the rain with Devon. (The first child I ever got to interact with on a daily basis who is autistic)
- Death threats from Sheena. (even at 18 people wanted to kill me.)
- 'This hill is ignorant'. (a direct quote about a really big hill we had to walk up several times a day.)
- Learning to play chess (and falling in love while doing it.)
- Jimmy's 'I killed him Gilbert moment'. (he squashed a bug and then cried and prayed for it.)
- Hugs. (so many kids so many hugs. Everywhere I've worked since this place has been 'hands off'.)


A failed attempt at poetry.
You called for a favor yesterday and cried to me about your life
you have no idea what you do to me on the inside
you make it so hard to say no
I want you back but I don't.

Favorite quotes
'Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length' Robert Frost

'Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be' Ralph Waldo Emerson

Skins

I promise not to spoil you if you're watching Skins you should be. I know what you may be thinking. You've heard skins is an over sexed over drugged drama about pretty kids. Yes, it is I won't try to tell you it isn't. They're pretty and they have a lot of sex and do a lot of drug. What you might not know is they address a lot of issues teens deal with from the complexities to conveniences of friendship, dating relationships, coming out of the closet, emigration, dealing with long term illness, separated parents, poor parents, family values that don't always match your own, finding your own identity among friends and siblings, deciphering what love is and what it isn't. Behind the gratuitous sex and drug use are stories of real kids dealing with real issues that anyone can relate to.

So get off your high horse and try watching Skins.

Things I like more than Cake

- new episodes of Battlestar Galactica. Seriously the latest two episodes were so amazing from an action and character point of view.

- Nerdy people like me who make me smile when they geek out.

- Barack Obama for saying he made a mistake. I honestly don't think he did by making the choices of appointments he did. The problem is fancy people thinking they don't have to pay taxes like the rest of us peasents.

- Sharpie markers.

- Things that smell like cake. Shower gel, lotion, candels ect.

- Diet coke. If there was a 'diet coke cake' I would be screwed though.

- Talking nerdy about Dr. Who. It's a treat when I find someone who knows anything about it.

- Cute Pam & Jim moments on The Office... though crazy Dwight moments are awesome as well.

- When we make a break though with a resident at work.

- When a resident's delusions are just funny. ie: he's been to see me as in Pittsburgh perform as a fetish wrestler. Uh, no and ew gross.

- Getting paid to sit around and re-watch Horatio Hornblower.

- My pink christmas tree which I haven't taken down yet. It's now a Valentine's tree.

- Actually having time to sit down and write this list.

... Though having cake with all of these things would make them even more awesome.

The problem with being a good person

The problem with being a good person is you don't get a day off. I work a tonnage of hours at my day job, keep the nursery for a church baby sit for a family with special needs children and do all kinds of favors for my family and friends. Don't get me wrong I like doing these things most of them time. I usually do most of them on the first of my two days off a week. Today is my second day off and all I want to do is relax. Instead of relaxing I'm doing cost analysis of fixing my Parents ceiling for the, having to run my neighbor with staff infection to the Doctors office and then possibly to the Cleveland Clinic if he doesn't have a ride, 'loaning' my sister more money and making some graphics for a friend. None of these things I really want to do.

All I want to do today is pay MY bills, go tot he grocery store, organize all my financial information, take out the trash (more complicated than it seems given the inch thing ice between my door and the dumpster) , make a video for my channel watch some blogtv and Chuck in 3D. The problem is doing all these things instead of the one at the top makes me seem like an extremely selfish person to those who need something from me.

I guess taking a day off is the worst thing to do when you're a good person.

Rave

So in case you missed it my neighbor is a drag queen. Yeah, rewind a few entries and you can read more about it. The short version is he's a drag queen who lives with his twice ex wife is a recovering drug addict on parole and in treatment for hep C.

Today he sent me to the drugstore with his ex-wife/roomie to make copies of pictures. These were all the latest picture of him in drag which I took. Then we get back and an hour later he knocks on my door and gives me a copy with a sentimental message on it.

Yes, this is sweet and all but it made me realize more and more than 'Rave' (his alter-ego the drag queen) has been coming out more and more. Now I adore him anyways but when taking a 300lbs 6' 4'' man around in public the last thing you need him to do is launch into 'Rave' the bitchy southern woman at the checkout counter. The other day he got toilet paper for free because the plastic got caught in the belt. Rave was about to 'knock a bitch out'. He then pulled out the brick he keeps in his handbag just in case.

I think all this has happened because the guy across the hall who was always just 'the dude across the hall' had his boyfriend move in last week. This boyfriend also does drag. Once 'Rave's' ex-wife moves out later this week I will be the only a)heterosexual, b)real female downstairs.

When I pictured having my own apartment I didn't imagine it quite like this. My life really does feel like a sitcom/HBO special at times.

Where were you when history was made?

When Barack Obama became the 44th President of the United States I was serving lunch to the residents and the rest of the staff. It was a normal day tuna salad sandwiches with fried egg and toast sandwich as the alternative. I made a special apple cobbler to celebrate the occasion. The meal was spent trying to listen to the amazing speach and poetry reading while fielding questions and assuing a resident I was not a rogue CIA agent. Then there was the clean up with thoughts of unity and pride replaying in my mind.

I wonder what other people's experience was? Did they only hear the manufactured news soundbites later because they had to run to the restroom? Was there an epic scene from a movie where the factory assembly line paused so every employee could huddle around a tiny tv with antenna's to witness this great event? Did a caregiver miss the speach attempting to replace a hearing aid battery for their Grandparent? Was there a Mother sleeping though it all because her baby was finally resting? Did third graders pause not completely knowing how important this was?

Where were you when history was made?

Frak you social life

It's always interesting attempting to explain to people what's so awesome about a show that airs on the sci-fi channel when they just aren't that into it. You can try to explain what a Peabody Award is or how it's like the West Wing in space with more shooting and fake swears but they just don't get it. We're so indoctrinated with crap TV that when something good comes along many won't give it a chance because it's different and on cable. BSG hasn't changed much but I know it set a bar for what I expect out of television programming and let me tell you the Biggest Loser, American Idol, Superstars of Dance, The Bachlor or any of The Hills spin-offs couldn't touch it with a ten foot pole.

If you don't watch Battlestar you should. All you have to do is go to the sci-fi channel site for the show and do the 'catch the frak up' bits and you'll be ok to go. I'm not saying watching all the episodes wouldn't be better but the catching up will at least get you going. Don't be daunted by the myths and such of the show because it's going to end meaning it's only been on for four seasons (ok so maybe it's been more like five or six years but really four seasons and a mini-series). Trust me when I say you're missing out on the gratest show on tv if you aren't watching.

So the long and short of it is when people at work ask me if I'm going out on friday and I say 'frak no I'm watching BSG tonight' it's in no way a bad thing because they're the ones missing out.

Book Meme I found

1. What are you currently reading? If you're not reading anything right now, what was the last book you read?

I'm reading 'World Without End' by Ken Follett. It's the kind of sequel to his other book 'Pillars of the Earth'. It's pretty great so far and Pillars was awesome. They're a bit daunting though because they're quite look and the larger the book the less likely someone is to randomly pick it up I think. I will say there was great joy for me in finishing Pillars because it was so long. I'm also reading 'Youtube an Insider's Guide to Cilmbing the Chart' byAlan Lastufka & Michael W. Dean. This is much slower going for me though because I have trouble reading information/how to books straight through. It's an entertaining and informative book though so my lack of skills in that kind of reading isn't a comment on it.

2. Where is your favorite place to get your books from?

Generally I get them from Amazon. I like going to the book store but honestly shopping in a store is not my thing. I can go in there with an objective and not end up with what I needed and a million other things I don't or I walk in just wanting to explore and find nothing I like. I don't really like how most book stores are organized either with specific books up front when some awesome little gem is stuck in some dark neglected corner.

3. Name a book you read and did not enjoy.

This one goes to 'The Time Traveler's Wife' by Audrey Niffenegger. I read it at camp this summer and I had a lot of people telling me how awesome it was and how I should love it but I just didn't. It was good but not what I wanted it to be. I was also spoiled because someone told me Eric Bana was playing the main male Henry and it just kind of messed with what I had going on in my head for the character. Actually I think knowing Bana was doing the movie killed it for me I just always think of Chopper and that random comedy show he did forever ago. Being shown those by friends and the awful event that was his Hulk movie kind of put me off him for life.

4. How has your taste in books changed over the years? What types of books do you read now as opposed to five years ago?

Well five years ago I was mostly reading things for school so my personal taste hasn't changed to much. I still like historical fiction with a dash of young adult (even if I am 24) and classics. I know I would have finished the Hornblower Series before this time so at 19 I'd say I would have been reading mostly for my Athurian History/English class.

5. When you walk into your favorite bookstore, where do you go? Mystery...Romance...Latest Releases....Non-Fiction...etc?

The problem is I never know where to go. I usually head for general fiction and then over to non-fiction/history/biography. Yes, I like to read the odd biography and history book. What can I say I loved 'Citizen Solider' and 'Band of Brother's' by Stephen Ambrose.

6. If you could have a conversation with any character from a book who would it be?

I'm going to take flack for this but I don't care. I would really love to speak with Charlie from 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. Many events of his life in the book never happened to me but I think as a person I found him extremely relateable. If you haven't read this book you should. At one point I had three copies so I could always have one when the other two were on loan out to my friends. In fact I have it right next to me in my desk drawer.

7. What's next on the book list and what did I just finish?

After World without end I'll be reading 'Paper Towns' by John Green and then 'The Shack' by William P. Young. I know I suck for not having gotten to Paper Towns yet but I had to wate for christmas money and I got 'World Without End' before Paper Towns' came in. I've been putting off 'The Shack' since halloween when my Mom gave me a copy. I promised her I'd read it so I need to make time for it. Previous to starting 'World Without End' I was reading 'The Intimate Adventures of a Call Girl' by Belle de Jour and 'Mansfield Park' by Jane Austin. I think all these qualify my taste as eclectic.

Sophie

One of the residents at work has taken to calling me Sophie. She's old and schizophrenic so I'm fine with that and it's become 'SophieKelly' now because letting her call me Sophie can lead to bad bad things like when I don't realize she's speaking to me and she needs something. Today I finally asked her why I'm 'Sophie'. I thought it would be something like she had a friend named Sophie growing up and I reminded her of that friend. Oh no it's much more random and I guess flattering than that. She's taken to calling me Sophie because she thinks I look like Sophia Loren. Um in case you didn't know Sophia Loren is a freaking sex symbol and I am so not. Just for kicks here's a Sophia Loren picture and a picture of me.






I'm so going to take this as a compliment.

Being Productive

This morning while getting ready for work I was thinking 'I get way more done at 5am before I leave for work than I do in the 8ish hours I have after work before going to bed.

I get up at 5am (I have to leave by 6am and am by no means a morning person) I have my yogurt or Special K and diet coke. Up next I check my e-mail, the blogs I read and youtube for new subscription videos. Then it's time to wash my face and do my hair (which takes longer than it should but I have fluffy hair and it's huge in the morning). Then it's make-up and more poking the internet playing with stumble upon and such. All the while I'm usually watching something on hulu.com the newest mini-episode of Battlestar or something like The Office, Chuck or Doctor Who on dvd. Then it's time to change, shoes and socks and head out the door. On occastion I've also managed to update my i-pod, beat a level in my Iron Chef for the DS game, make a birthday card, wash my dishes, make a mix cd, and lately update this thing most morning.

There's something extremely wrong with this. I know the only things I'll be doing tonight will be doing internet things, watchin some tv, playing my DS, maybe making a few phone calls and e-mailing/chatting with friends. This list should be way longer than the morning list but it's not even close.

I guess it's no news flash, I continue to be a freak of nature.

Sitcoms and Life

In general I find sitcoms awful and rarely effective as a form of entertainment. the 30 (0r 23ish) min. format does nothing for me. The jokes are basic at best follow awful stereotypes and improbable 'realities'. I can honestly say I never had a Friends phase and that I haven't really been entertained by the show since smelly cat.

As far as I know the best sitcoms have come from the UK. Now don't think I mean out American adaptations here (though American Office is amazing and tops the list for our own 30min. comedy). I think Spaced is possibly one of the best ones out there. If you haven't seen it you should. Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson and their cast of peeps they still do projects with are amazing. The who plot of the show seems oddly rooted in reality (two people who are apartment hunting find a two bedroom apartment and end up sharing pretending to be in a relationship). Tim and Daisy frequently daydream and we get to see and relate to these ideas they dream up. For example wanting to kill your ex's new man, thinking of yourself as successful when you're still failing, falling asleep playing a video game and dreaming you're in it.

Maybe I love it so much because it's rooted in the same sense of humor for example this exchange when Tim has to play paintball ont he same team as his ex's new man:

"Is that the first time you've seen him since....?"

"Yes, I think I was cool I mean, I could have smashed his face in, I could have set fire to him but I didn't."

"What'll you do next ?"

"Set him on fire."


So what's this all about? I have no idea. It's 5:30am and I'm watching Spaced while getting ready for work. it makes my heart smile.

The Curious Case of Brad Pitt's Hottness

You should go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons. Some of the things I loved, the theme of time and clocks, the epic sweeping romance, the sweet bits of humor, the amount of crying I did. Seriously go see it because I don't want to spoil it. I will say one of the most subtle yet heart wrenching scenes for me wasn't performed by Brad Pitt or Kate Blanchett but by Julia Ormond. It still gave testament to these two great actors to give me that emotional swing though.

I think my biggest thing with the film was how stunning Brad Pitt is. I know this is no great news flash. I have known he was handsome and sexiest man a few times in my life. I think I noticed it so much in this film because He's not completely himself for the majority of it. You see him old for so long that when he reaches the point where little makeup is needed you're stunned by him. I know David Finches directorial choices are a huge part of this. The theme of gold tones though the film makes the whole thing stunning as well.

Having not read the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story I'll have to do so to see how they hold up against one another. In all honesty I think this may be one of the extremely rare cases where the film is better than the book. I'll be sure to get back to you on that though.