Work & Life and things I more than likely shouldn't be talking about.

You know things are bad at work when you come home have dinner and have a nap in total silence. I just couldn't inject anymore stimuli into my life than the thoughts going on though my head. You call someone to talk about it and you find yourself immediately just falling to pieces and then you're unable to pick to pieces up. That's how it feels like now. I called my Mom to talk but just ended up sobbing into the phone making little sense. I'm still crying it's so bad. I don't know how to explain how this all works. How I know it's not healthy for a job to make you feel this bad.

I try not to talk about work to much since it's kind of sensitive. There are big professional boundaries when working in the health and mental health field. I could be here telling stories about for real crazy things that happen to me but I don't because I don't want to take advantage of my residents like that. It's my job to keep my work place and their home safe and comfortable. I feel like it's neither of those things now. We're mandated an unsafe amount of overtime work, we have dangerous residents who need more security and more staffing around, and most of them aren't getting what they need to help them be able to re-enter the community when their commitment is up. All in all the facility that I'm employed at is failing the people it serves and it's killing me. I don't feel safe there, neither do our residents and my manager does not intend to do anything about it.

I'm at the end of my rope. I've started looking for a new job but I don't feel like I can leave this so easy. I feel like I can't leave my residents there like that in that place that's so bad. Some of them just deserve so much better. I wish I could get them all out and in better places.

I feel so powerless.

This is just my brain kind of spilling ick everywhere. Sorry you made it this far without knowing there really wasn't a point to this.

People hate.

I know I will eventually get around to posting about vacation but I'm lazy and have to EDIT my pics. For now if you know me feel free to see them on facebook.

Currently I'm pretty pissed off at a few people. Mostly people who said they were coming to my best friends BFF dinner that I made gift bags for and reservations for but seriously 1 hour after I made the reservation suddenly no one was coming but the bride and I. The one person seriously said "I don't know how to get there." yeah she didn't know how to get to the restaurant that shares a paking lot with the most popular mall in 100 miles. I hate it when people lie and don't even put in any effort.

Now I'm uber pissed off an have to pack up the bags I spent money on for no one to come and have. It looks like everyone gets more tha one of everything. Lucky them.

Soo...

So it's a bit like I had an awkward breakup with my blog. Things were all intense and we decided to take some time apart and now we're revisiting the idea of being together again. How sad is it that I just likened my blog to a relationship?


Anyways I just spent two days at a conference for work and it was lovely to meet people and get to know more about the company I'm about to hit 6 months with. I got go to with the awesome people from work not the really shit ones who are more than likely going to get fired soon because they made a HUGE error that could have killed someone. But I can't say more because I don't want to get in trouble.

So yeah things still kind of suck but they're getting better on the work front. I really don't have much else to report. I made a video finally and it should be down in the video bar so check that out if you want.

BEDA:Five

I really like kids. With that said there is one kid who I hate more than all the rest. Her name is Brooke and she's an evil fourth grader.

Examples of her evil:
-When a two year old asked how Alvin and the Chipmonks ended she told him they were eaten by Dave.
-She stole and Nintendo DS from a four year old and refused to give it back even though it was his and he was crying.
-She told the little kids Simba got what he deserved when his Dad died and that he should throw himself off a cliff too.
-She bites people.
-She locked herself in the closet on purpose to attempt to get me in trouble.
-She ran away back to her house in the middle of church after kicking her Dad in the knee so he couldn't chase her.
-She hit her brother with a baseball bat intending to hurt him.

My theory is either she's going to grow up to be a serial killer or her little brother is from suffering years of abuse under her. Poor Austin (her little brother) is the sweetest thing too. He likes to color and makes things and it's even more adorable because he's color blind and has a slight speech issue so he'll ask you if things are 'gween' all the time. Seriously adorable little boy with an evil big sister.

I think the world really would be a better place if Brooke went to the evil baby orphanage.

BEDA: Four

When you think of workplace discrimination you don't exactly think of yourself or at least I didn't. I've always been used to people being overly critical of me due to my weight, my quiet nature and my lack of desire to spill my secrets ect via the phone or in person. In short I know I tend to make people uncomfortable.

I honestly didn't think people could react like this. it wasn't till it was pointed out to me that I was being discriminated against and intimidated by my co-workers that I understood it. I shouldn't be intimidated because I'm young, unmarried, don't have children or am over weight and it shouldn't be a way to undermine my authority with our clients which has already been done. None of these are reasons for people to feel I'm a threat in any way but apparently people do and that's sad.

I think my shock to the situation stems from having a drama free life while in school. I picked my friends well and had few incidents of teasing. Sure it happened every now and then and it hurt just like it did for everyone else but you learn to be like a duck and let the water roll off your back having that slightly hardened outer layer that protects you. This is why I give so little of my personal self to people I don't trust. This is pretty unfortunate because I'm a funny, happy, good friend to those I let in and the rest of the world I let go on thinking I'm boring and shy. Sadly they're missing out because I'm awesome.

So now I have this huge case pending with HR at the company I work for that will no doubt be awful to deal with on our crew of five employees. With so few people it's easy to find out who did what and when. I wish I didn't have to do this but the reality is if I don't take a stand my self worth will take a hit as well as letting this person get away with it and letting them think it's ok to do to others. It isn't and I'm taking a stand.