NYC

So I went to New York yesterday. It was just for a day for my sister to visit a grad school. It was a nice change though. This has been the longest I've remained in the Oh/PA/WV Ohio Valley area and I really needed a break. I was starting to develop the really awful grammar/accent of my birthplace which makes me want to die so instead of dying it's better to take a break and leave the area.

When I go places with my sister there's always an interesting reaction. We look... a lot alike. I don't think we look like twins but outside of people who know us it seems to be the general assumption. There's a lot of people who ask 'are you two twins?'. I don't think it helps that when we're together there's often lively discussion that's hard to understand if you don't know our language quirks, body language and inside jokes well. We could be talking about zebra's to the normal ear but really it's something having to do with church. It's complicated. Don't write it off as being a 'twin language' because it's not and we aren't twins by a long stretch because my Mom's a twin and it's really unusual for a twin to have twins... and I'm two (almost three) years older.

While in NYC we did manage to make a stop at Lush and had some really great food. I love having great food. Hummus on lovely bread is always better when in a quaint cafe with all kinds of people and languages buzzing around you. Never does a red velvet cupcake taste so good as when it's from a special bakery recommended by a friend. Ugh. I love good food!

Sadly I'm back to 'normal' now and am leaving for work in a bit. Work people still kind of suck but I like my job so they aren't going to run me off.

Bitchy people make me whant to punch things... like their faces

It sucks but I hate working with most people who are over 35. They seem to have it in their heads that because they have a family they should take priority in everything when it comes to everything. Guess what folks I'm the one with the schooling so I win. You can't change my days off so you can have three days especially when the schedule you're trying to change in the one we're currently working. I hope you know if you do get your way and my schedule changes you'll be paying me $300 for the flight and room I've booked in NYC to go look at a Grad school with my sister. You may have kids but I have family too and they're important if you like it or not.

This is to the point where I hate walking into work because I over lap shifts by 15 mins with these people. They're the most painful 15 mins of my whole day and it makes me sick thinking about it. I shouldn't have to defend my days off. If you don't like your talk to our boss don't just try to change it. I have sunday and monday off not even the normal weekend. I know you want to take my sunday too but I work two other jobs that day and I'm not giving them up because you're being childish get the other lady who's off friday and saturday to trade you for awhile. It's not like your kid in on a school schedule anyways. They don't miss you on the specific weekend because to them everyday is the weekend without school to tell them it isn't.

I hate being told I'm less important because I don't have a family of my own.

Current Status

I'm tired. I've worked 7pm-7am two days in a row. I had my 'day off' where I came home at 8am slept till 9:30am then went to watch the kids at church. They I slept another three hours before going to baby sit from 7pm-1am I finally got to sleep a normal amount last night but in the process I managed to sleep or work my two 'days off' away. I managed a 5 min conversation with my best friend and a lunch with my family. This isn't cool. The whole point of days off is the chance to de-stress and relax. Sure I could be doing that now but instead I'm thinking about what to make for dinner and what time I should go to bed in anticipation of the double 7am-11pm I'm working tomorrow. This isn't cool. Thankfully it should be done after tomorrows double and I'll be back to normal.

In other news, I'll be in New York on Monday! yes, only one day but it'll still be awesome!

Out of Hope... for now

Today was one of those days that work got to me. I work with adults who have mental illness. It's usually great days where it's fun and interesting. The last two days were intense. Strong delusions, trying to break delusions, people playing into delusions. Breaking a delusion isn't easy they're ingrained so deeply and with one of our residents reinforced by institutionalization since the age of 17. She's 61 years old now that's 44 years of pure failure to help her. She's someone with proper help she could have gotten better, she could have lived on her own and with the help of out patient therapy and medication have had a relatively normal life.

This woman thinks she has a husband, who was a fellow resident at the institution. She believes he's her Doctor and won't have any medical attention from anyone but him. He comes at night to do these medical appointments. She suffers from auditory and visual hallucinations. The auditory is hearing voices from her 'husband', others talking or God. Visual hallucinations range from seeing a dog in the house to the 'molecular foundations of all the world' and 'the writing on the wall' as in how rules appear in institutions. Illness is one thing but delusions created completely from living 'under care' makes me sick.

Today we were going to go to PetSmart and visit the animals (all of our residents love animals) but she physically could not go because the delusional writing she saw said she couldn't and that the world would end if she attempted to. Attempting to break these delusions is the hardest part. It's just sitting there and fighting for hours and days every time she brings up a delusion saying it's not real over and over and over again simply having hope that one day it'll sink in.

I'm out of hope today. I just hope I come up with a little by morning.