FUCK YOU ALLERGIES!

Apparently the only way for me to not be ill is to move west of the Rockies where they don't have the kind of pollen that fucks with my system. It's bad enough that I have a respetory infection 3-6 months a year because of pollen but now to have to deal with this OAS shit is just not ok with me.

OAS= Oral allergy syndrome. Basically the pollen fucks with my mouth and stomach making me hyper sensitive to some foods. So the fresh mango I got at the store today thinking hey I like mango that's been frozen I'll just get a fresh one and do it myself since it's less expensive... no. This resulted in my mouth tingling and going raw on the inside followed by getting sick. NOT COOL. Sometimes I have the tingle/raw thing wth other foods so I called the Doctor to see if it was related and they gave me a big old list of things I might not be able to eat this time of year.

almonds, apples,apricots, avocados, bananas, berries, carrots, celery, cherries, citrus, cucumbers, grapes, hazel nuts, mangos, mellons, peaches, pears, peppers, and 'some spices'.

Mind you I've been taking a lot of meat that is processed in ways I don't trust out of my diet (ie:pre-made frozen burger patties, chicken nuggets... ect).

I'm not exactly sure what I can and can not even eat anymore.

FUCK YOU ALLERGIES!

Quarter Life

So... I turned 25. I know it shouldn't be a big deal but everywhere I go there's someone reminding me that it's a big deal. I got up the morning of my birthday and told my Mom I wasn't really happy about it. She said 'oh 25 was a great year for me. It was the year I married your Dad. But we got engaged when I was still 24'. Yet another reminder of how I'm not married. Then there were constant questions asking me if I was planning on buying a new car or buying a house and WTF no. I have a good job but it's not that good. Then there was my extended family who asked polite questions all centered around 'is there something bothering you?'.

How do you tell people that although you have a good life a job you love and are financially independent you're life is nothing like you imagined it be when you got to this point?

I know life is hardly ever what we expect and that lumps, bumps and set backs are what makes us who we are but really this is a bit much. I'm sure the winter blahs will pass and I'll feel better about things. Especially if I get awesome news by Jan. 11th.

BEDA:Six

I hate having an over abundance of emotion. It's ridicules when commercials make me cry and I get all girly because stress has far to large of a place in my life and I can't cry when I really want to. it's bad but I can't even find the worlds to write about it because I've been keeping a lot locked up for so long. It's easier to deal with life when you keep a part of yourself locked away and to be honest now is not the time for that wall to be breaking down if it could just wait two weeks I'd be happy to let the crocodile tears flow.

I went to Akron to visit my best friend yesterday. It was nice we had pizza (till I made myself sick with it) and watch Skins and Doctor Who. Sadly no new skins till next year and only the specials for Doctor Who this year. Bright side is the next special comes out for Easter. Though I will say I miss the emotional connection the regular companions bring to the mix.

Random: The two cats my parents have are funny. The little old one (lady) bosses around the big younger fluffy one (Mod). Mod was laying on the pillow just infront of me and Lady strolled up and wacked Mod over the head till she moved giving up the pillow.

Song of the Moment: Lullabay - Dixie Chicks
I'm not a country fan but some of the Dixie Chicks stuff doesn't count because it's special and I say so.

Why I hate Christmas

It's shocking to most people when I say I hate Christmas. I go to church and get the whole Jesus thing, everyone loves gifts so it's not unusual for pretty much everyone to think I'm crazy. I hate Christmas so much because of my my Parents make it. The next five-ish weeks will be like pulling teeth for me. It's going to be a never ending stream of fights and pouting that I've witnessed annually for all of my memory. I honestly can't remember one truly happy Christmas season in all of my 23 years.

The official kick off of holiday hell is going on now. The Annual 'let bring up your dead parents fight'. This isn't an unusual fight for my Parents to have. When my Grandparents died my Dad had a lot of stuff he needed to work though. I think it's pretty understandable for the holiday season to be a hard time for him. My Mother in her infinite wisdom(crazy) likes to really poke at it this time of year. The quote from tonight 'What do you think your parents would have to say about that?'. This has been brought on with my mother being let go from her job. She'd upset so she must go an hurt everyone around her. This is also not unusual for her. Like I said this isn't an unusual fight but at holiday time it launches my Dad into a downward spiral of hurt and general grumpiness which I can understand. There's nothing like being depressed at Christmas missing those who have passed away.

I can honestly say much of my childhood and my current adult(ish) life would be much happier if my Parents would have (or would) separate. No child should have to see their parents threatening each other with knives in the kitchen. No kid should have to be a messenger from one room to another mid fight. I shouldn't have had to explain to my younger sister that things were OK when they weren't.

I should clarify that my Parents aren't abusive in a physical way. They like to go for the emotional and mental side of things where no one can see what's going on under the surface. Growing up there was no regulation for this kind of abuse in Ohio for spouses or children, especially when you have food to eat and the heat is on.

So why does all this happen at Christmas? I'm not 100% sure. I think it might have something to do with attempts at buying affection or making up for a whole year of hurting both of which never work out.

This is a bit of a ramble and I'm sorry for the emo. I'll try and let go of it soon and make the best of Christmas this year.